5 Must-Dos to Finally Keep Your Promise to Change

She wanted so much for her future. Big dreams were matched by big promises both to herself and others. However, her desires and actions remained on opposite sides of the river bank. Forever separated by a chasm either too difficult or too cumbersome to cross. 

Our conversations were like rewatching a movie – the story familiar, an outcome known, but you still yell at the screen, pulling for the protagonist to make a different choice this time. 

I’m going to do better. Will you support me?

Count on it. Let me know what you need.

During our next conversation? No change. 

I promise. I’m going to make a change. 

Tell me what I can do to help you make it happen. 

During our next conversation? You guessed it: No change. 

Week after week. Promise to change with no change at all.

Month after month. More promises to change and the story was getting boring.

Somehow she insisted our talks were useful, but I begged to differ. Without a shift, we were just having a chat. 

Finally, progress, but if you blinked, you missed it. She admitted to the tiniest self-sabotage. It was the equivalent of a single nail, holding back a raging dam of water, with an army of others. 

For a heartbeat, I was frustrated it wasn’t more bold, revealing, or the single aha that would break the cycle. 

However, her words were unequivocal:

I know that this is one little thing, but it is the first step of a hundred. 

Right there. 

More than a promise; progress. 

5 Must-Dos to Keep Your Promise to Change

Change is hard. We cling to the comfort of what’s known even if it isn’t serving us. How often have you made the leap forward without looking back or, even more likely, stepping back as if doing the tango?

If you’re feeling stuck between your future dreams and the pull of “I want it right now,” here are five steps that will help you break the cycle of busted assurances and empty words and embrace your promise to change.

Cultivate Awareness

Nothing will change until you are aware of a problem. It’s one thing when other people tell you that your behavior or choices are an issue, but quite another to agree. Heck, if you can get away with bad behavior, why change? When you see the problem, the path forward begins to emerge.

Make it Hard

When your feet are firmly planted, it takes a lot of energy to take a single step. When you’re in motion, each stride becomes more do-able than the last – it’s called momentum. So how do you start to make the climb from where you are to where you want to go? Make going back difficult. Mind you, it won’t be impossible to fall into your default behaviors; will power and support are still necessary. However, this is one time in your life when hardships and roadblocks are your friends. 

Admit to Your Bad Behaviors

Some people are willing to die on a lie. Why? Because if other people believe them, maybe they can fool themselves into thinking it’s the truth too. This is tied to awareness, but it’s more than noticing,. It’s accepting both responsibility and accountability for your choices and actions. 

Plan for Relapses

Change isn’t elegant, and it doesn’t look a lot like walking up a staircase despite the popular metaphor. You will falter at keeping your promise to change despite your intentions. You’ve had a long time with your old ways, and they’ve become easy, second-nature. Breaking with the old and forming new habits will never be linear. Instead of “guess I tried,” when you slide back, or sideways, or upside down, go with “I can still choose change.” Don’t let yourself off the hook because of regression, and don’t wait until tomorrow – double down now. 

Take the Next Step

Did you make a change and stick to it? That’s awesome. However, unless you’ve reached your end goal, it’s one step of many. Each time to do what you’re afraid to do and tread into the discomfort, you learn something – you’ll live. Give yourself a moment to be here, in this new place, and catch your breath. Ready? You know what’s next. Name it and tell your coach or whoever is helping keep you on track towards your goals. Do not keep it to yourself. Now… it’s time… step forward. 

Oh – and if you’re a coach, friend, spouse, colleague, or mentor of someone who leaves behind a trail of broken promises? My best advice to you is to stop letting them off the hook. Moreover, remember, you can’t make the change for them. When they ask you for help to change, remind them that you’re there for them, but they’re the ones who have to lead the way. 

Change takes more than desire and willpower. Create a vision of the future, the one you want, and make it so real you feel it. Let the future call you forth and not only run away from the pain of your bad choices of the present. 

Here’s the news flash: You can do it. Sure, it may take longer than you like, but you can make it happen. People are there to support you, cheer you on, and celebrate progress, not only promises.