Years ago, I was facilitating a workshop, and a small group of the participants came up to me during the break. As we were chatting, one of the women asked about my perfume.
“I love your perfume! What is it?”
“It’s Happy,” I replied. “Well, fake Happy.”
They thought that was one of the funniest things they’d ever heard.
I didn’t have the money for the real thing from a department store, so I went to my local drugstore and bought the inexpensive knockoff. It was called something like All Smiles or Just Like Happy, But It’s Not.
I loved the scent, and it made me, well, happy. I didn’t care that it was fake when it made me feel the real thing.
What Happens When You Put on Fake Happy?
You may not have the fake Happy perfume sitting on your dresser, but you can easily pump up your happiness and reap the rewards.
Ready?
Smile. Even if you don’t feel like smiling. Come on. Give those corners of your mouth a lift. Hold it. Yup. There’s some fake happy for you. No run to the big box store required.
A funny thing happens when you put on a smile even when you don’t particularly feel like smiling. It lifts your mood, has numerous health benefits, and has been shown to reduce stress too. The smiling may feel a little fake, but it mimics the effects of happiness in your body. To your brain, it’s not fake happiness you’re feeling, it’s the real deal.
Research has proven that our facial expressions communicate to our brains much like our brains communicate with our faces to express our emotions. It’s a two-way street. When we smile, it not only signals to others how we’re feeling but also to ourselves.
[Tweet “A smile may not feel like a big deal but it changes everything. #happiness”]
Much like when I put on a spritz of my fake happy all those years ago, your smile does three things:
- Mimics the real thing
- Lifts you like the real thing
- Sends others your scent (or in the case of a smile, a feeling) like the real thing
Can You Fake Happiness?
Maybe not, but you can feel happier. Smiling is not the same thing as telling people life’s “all good” when it’s not. Choosing to smile is not a lie, it’s a signal that impacts how you feel and experience the world around you. When you put a smile on your face, it alerts your neural network that it’s time for some dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. Yes. Feels good… or at least better.
No matter how stupid you feel with your fake smile, as if it’s supposed to give you some magic fake happiness, do it. Choose to smile even when you don’t feel like it. The benefits of smiling are significant. Also, it may start as forced but transform into one you’re feeling before you know it.
As Annie would tell us, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.”
However, if you’re struggling to feel happiness, it may take more than a smile to help turn things around. Reach out to a professional to help you. There’s no reason to struggle alone.
Break the Frame Action
What Makes You Smile?
Perfume in the morning?
Watching your favorite sitcom?
Hanging out with your kids?
Looking around your house after it’s cleaned?
Finishing a great workout at the gym?
A phone call to Mom?
Find time every day to not only plaster on a fako-bako smile but for the things that make your eyes crinkle and a glimmer of happiness fill you from head to toe. You won’t regret it.
Today, after I got home from the gym and took my shower, I put on some of the real Happy and a smile to go with it.
Did You Know?
The reason photographers say “Say Cheese!” when they take your picture is it helps your face move into the position of a smile. Some people argue that an even more natural smile emerges when you say “Money.” No judgment which one you may pick. If it helps you, say it!
Have you ever plastered on a smile? What was the impact? (bet it wasn’t fake happiness)
Ever hear of the study where researchers had people put a pencil in their mouth to mimic a smile? Here’s a two-minute video that you may find interesting.
Alli,
What a question you pose — can faking happiness create the real thing? People debate this one constantly. There are the absolute NO’s, the absolute YESes, and the middle group who say it depends on the situation.
My view is that happiness is a journey. When you take steps each day to start with a positive view of what is possible, your steps can create happiness.
I don’t see it as faking happiness. I see it as seeing the small bits of happiness that you can ride to the bigger planets. It spurs you to follow the popular “don’t sweat the small stuff” mantra and carry it through to:
On n’est jamais si heureux ni si malheureux qu’on s’imagine. (“One is never so happy or unhappy as one imagines.”) ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld
It’s all in your attitude to create your own happiness.
I love your post – it screams “do it!” 🙂
Kate
I’m with you, Kate. There are pros and cons to “fake it till you make it” especially when it comes to happiness. I’ve written in the past about choosing happiness (https://breaktheframe.com/choosing-happiness/) and like you mention, it really is about our choices. A great place to start is super small – with a smile. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here! ~ Alli
I was troubled with Alli’s use of ‘fake’ happiness as well. I like your thoughts.
Interesting to me at least is that I and many others champion the notion that, when confronted with a problem, it’s best to Consider and plan only to the extent of having a “starting point and direction that has a decent potential to lead to a useable and useful outcome.” Well, duh … The challenges confronting our choice of happiness are indeed “an important problem to be solved!!!” A sincere but not totally self-justified smile, to me, is a great starting point and direction!
Faking happiness is hard to do when we are really feeling down. Having said that, I loved the video and believe we can change our attitude about seeing things though a happier lens. I also think listening to music that brings us joy can elevate our spirits. When I am feeling low I can just put on a song that can bring me back to a better place and change up my whole day.
Thanks Alli for helping us to explore this fascinating topic! Will definitely share!
I agree that if we’re depressed, faking happiness is not the way to go. In addition to smiling, music is also a powerful pick-me-up that impacts our brain receptors and allows us to move from stress into a place where action is possible.
Thanks, Terri!
Alli
I had never heard about and obviously never thought about research associated with the ‘fake’ smile. Interesting and yet another topic suggested by you, Alli, for my further Consideration.
I really liked this quote from this post of yours: “Smiling is not the same thing as telling people life’s “all good” when it’s not.“ The first is your honest effort to contribute to better environments for all witnessing it – including yourself of course. How you yourself and others who see it respond is a choice each will make. It very much can (should???) be a catalyst for a positive change in outlook – but again it’s a choice to be Considered. The second is simply a lie – likely to poison the environment …
First, let me say I picked a terrible title for this piece. It was sparked by my experience wearing fake Happy perfume. I would have called it Fake Happy but that’s a popular song by a popular band so I went with happiness. This is really about the impact of a smile even when we may not feel like smiling. Studies have shown that smiling even during a stressful situation actually makes things easier on us. There are also studies where hot patches were put on people’s arms and those that were told to smile through the experience felt less pain which merits further research into how smiling impacts our pain receptors.
I do not believe that if you are depressed you should fake your happiness – you should seek help. I do believe for many people who are dealing with stresses and frustrations of life along with the good would benefit from a smile as it has known benefits.
Our responses are always a choice. Smiling or frowning, screaming and yelling or listening and learning (or taking a break!). When it comes to our choices, the key, as you note, is consideration. Is our response serving ourselves and others or are we allowing ourselves to be sucked into a place of stress and anger with no consideration at all.
Grateful for your input into this one, John!
Alli
LOVE this article…so much of my work in interviews/interrogation rest on this single fact: (normal) people respond to a smile. They can’t help it because it’s the way their brain is wired to respond. Again, it gives the idea of empathy more heft because these are emotions that stimulate the way we think.
Thanks,LaRae! It’s interesting when someone smiles at you… it’s hard to scowl. I’m particularly intrigued how our facial expressions send messages to our brain. My assumption would be that it would start with the brain but that’s not always true. Fascinating! I can only imagine what it would be like to use this kind of knowledge into interrogations.
Alli
You made me smile! When we make the effort to do something we might not feel like doing or think we might be pretending, it’s might be that pretend becomes real. Maybe that’s what they meant about “fake it until you make it” although I never liked it because I never thought of it that way before. Thanks!
Pretend can become real. Moreover, discomfort can transform into second nature. If the smile is uncomfortable, it’s not a sign to stop but to persist and let it grow from within.
Many thanks for your thoughts, Gary!
Alli