It’s that time of the year when gratitude is the word on everyone’s lips. We’re supposed to journal our gratitude, share our gratitude, and wrap ourselves in a warm gratitude blanket. What to do if you don’t feel grateful this year?
First, you’re not alone. This has been a tough one for most people on the planet.
Second, if you’re not into journaling or, like me all too often, your vision is fixated on all of the crap, there are strategies that you can use to see the light through the darkness.
Can You Feel Grateful in the Worst of Circumstances?
Here’s a fun fact you may not know about me. I have something in common with Indiana Jones – I hate snakes.
This weekend my husband took our dog out for a quick pee before bed, and less than a minute later, I heard him come back in the house with an announcement: “Alli, we have a problem.”
With our pup in his arms, he gave me the full scoop. We had a snake. More specifically, It was 10:30 on a Friday night, and we had just shy of a three-foot snake on our patio.
Luckily, our local reptile centre has a government-funded 24/7 snakephone with a snake man on call. We called, he answered, and he told my husband to stay out there and keep an eye on it so we’d know its’ location when he arrived. Less than 15 minutes later, he was at our door.
The snake man was at our house for under two minutes. Turned out our visitor was between two and three years old and in the python family but not venomous. He picked him up, took him out, and promised to release him somewhere safe and hopefully far away from our street.
If I only focused on the bad, the snake, it would be all-consuming. Will we get more snakes? How did it get in? What if the next one is poisonous? Will this be a bad snake season?
Instead, I turned to two gratitude illuminating techniques.
What Are Flip Side Techniques and How Will They Help Me?
First, a disclaimer, feeling starts with how you see the world. When you see one bad thing after another, because that’s where you’re focused, I think you know how you feel. Similarly, when you trick your brain into making a shift to see the good, your feeling will often catch up with you. It is possible to go from feeling negative to feeling grateful.
However, you may need additional support to help you if you’re depressed and these techniques are not meant to be put in place instead of a relationship with a mental health professional.
How to Feel Grateful on the Flip Side Technique One:
This one is a quick and simple question. It’s also something stuck people rarely ask themselves.
What else is true?
That’s it.
The trick is to not only ask yourself once but again and again as you begin to see other truths lurking behind the story you’ve created.
Early on, when asking yourself this question, you may pepper your list with other negative thoughts. Keep asking, and more positive truths will emerge. I guarantee you that a few of them will be gratitude worthy.
Here’s what it looks like to put this Gratitude Mining Technique into action:
F*ck! We have a snake!
What else is true? We’ve had them in the pool in the past.
What else is true? We go out there a thousand times a day without shoes on.
What else is true? Your husband found the snake and not you.
What else is true? We have a snake man in our town.
What else is true? My husband had to stay outside and watch the snake and not me.
What else is true? It wasn’t poisonous.
What else is true? We hadn’t seen a snake on our back patio before.
What else is true? It wasn’t a Western Brown.
What else is true? I got to go into our bedroom and cuddle our dog during the snake-a-palooza.
How to Feel Grateful on the Flip Side Technique Two:
Finding gratitude is often about shifting your perspective. As humans, we’re prone to catastrophizing. It’s when you jump to the worst possible conclusion for no particular reason. Life feels like a constant crisis. From this miserable place, justified or not, gratitude is off the radar.
1. Name Your Current Perspective
2. Identify a Flip (Opposite) Perspective and name that one too.
Sometimes a single flip isn’t enough. It could be because your first flip wasn’t really the opposite perspective, and you didn’t move too far from where you’re currently planted.
3. Find another Flip (Third Option) Perspective and name it.
Now, before you settle in, ask yourself, which perspective feels the most empowering? The most positive? Where the most gratitude lives?
4. Make your selection and look at your situation from this new vantage point. What do you see now that was impossible to see before?
If you’re struggling with this exercise, here’s another tip: Move. Yup, get up and make a physical move. Our thinking, mindset, and physicality are strongly linked.
Is This Gratitude on the Flip Side Technique Going To Be a Lot of Work?
No, it’s not. In fact, it’s impressive how fast you can shift your perspective and feel gratitude emerge.
Grab a pad and pen if you’re a paper person, or use your computer. or just think it through. There’s no requirement to add complexity to your life. Do what works for you.
Here’s what it looks like to run through steps 1-4 above:
Current perspective: “Fear” I hate snakes. We have too many snakes in my town. One is going to get into our home and send for their friends.
Flip perspective: “Resources” We have the snake man. We never need to consider getting the snake out ourselves because we can’t find someone to do it quickly.
Flip perspective: “Safe” We probably live in the safest town from snakes in Australia. We know what to do if we see one and help is a phone call away, day or night.
Pick: “Safe.” Noticing that I began to breathe easier thinking about that perspective, I knew it was the right choice. In fact, moving out of a stressful perspective in one part of my life opened my heart and mind to gratitude in other aspects of my life too.
It’s tough to feel grateful when you’re feeling squeezed by stress. In your current perspective working for you or do you need a fresh perspective?
Regardless of the technique you use, you’ll find that consciously choosing to see things differently is the first step to finding gratitude.
If you’re gratitude starved, go for the flip. It works, it’s fast, and you’ll be surprised how much you have to be grateful for in your life.
As for me, I’m grateful for you coming to the Break the Frame blog. Thank you.
I’ll catch you on the flip side.
How are you feeling? What are you grateful for at the moment?
Hi Alli,
Great … great technique! So often we get stuck in the stress perspective and our minds churn on and on. What better way to see the larger truth than to ask it of yourself straight out.
Bravo! Will share on my streams.
Kate
Thanks, Kate! It works… especially when you push yourself to go past the first few easy answers. Always interesting what emerges. I’ll often do it with coaching clients but it’s something that we can do ourselves – and should!
Best,
Alli
I love your post Alli and how you face not feeling grateful at times. First, let me say I am most intrigued with a “snake man”. Wow! I have never heard of that job. Most impressive. Just yesterday I was feeling a bit down and less grateful thinking about a tiny Thanksgiving table not filled with family. So what I ended up doing was watching Elizabeth Lesser, a co-founder of the Omega institute walk us through a meditation. It was relaxing. It was fun. And it helped me feel more grateful.
Wishing you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving! Terri
That sounds lovely, Terri! It sounds like meditation works for you and helps create the space for gratitude. The most important thing that we find things that work for us individually instead of missing out on things that we’re grateful for in our lives.
I’d never heard of a snake man either until I moved here! The person who comes out when you call the snakephone is the founder of the reptile centre here. When our kids were younger he made trips to their school to get snakes that were spotted during recess and the kids were carefully brought back to their classrooms. He’s been to our home a few times and in season can do 200-300 call outs! We’re very grateful he’s here and is a tremendous educational resource too.
Alli
Haha…in my family, my dad was the “snake man.” We had loads of poisonous rattle snakes on our Wyoming ranch and he made us promise to do a couple of things: 1) wear hi-top Red Wing boots year-round (not a great fashion statement but snakes had a hard time biting through thick leather), and 2) call him for help. These simple but concise instructions reframed our situation int terms that made a small child feel safe. He also gave us instructions for what to look for so we could analyze our situation which also helped us see our situation differently. There are always two sides to a problem and the key is to grab it by the “soft” handle or the one that is most positive.
Great article, Alli. And I’m glad it wasn’t a poisonous snake!
You definitely know what it’s like to grow up around snakes, LaRae! Even today, the snake man posted that he’s found his second Western Brown indoors and it’s only the beginning of the season. We’re being smart and taking the steps we need to keep them outdoors. One thing that fascinated me about snakes is that they feel your vibrations but can’t hear you. If you’re near a snake you can scream your head off but should stay still and the snake won’t know your there and will likely leave you alone. Analyzing your situation and knowing alternatives are key lessons to learn.
Thanks!
Alli