A coaching client once told me he would make time for his family and his passion after he “made it” in his career. He didn’t believe it was possible, or smart, to do anything other than giving work his total focus. We spent months exploring his perspective on work vs everything else in his life. Along the way, I shared this story with him.
For years I had a secret dream. I wanted to get paid to act. In college, I performed in several productions and post-graduation was a regular on the community theater circuit. Still, no matter how many times I was cast, I always wondered if I was good enough to do it professionally.
In truth, one of the biggest barriers between me and getting paid for my talents on the stage was that I also wanted to be a management consultant. I had a great job with a Big Four consulting firm that took me all over the USA. My hours were long, and the work was thankfully interesting. Auditions were something other people went on, and rehearsals would have to fit around my day job. I had a career for goodness sake.
“It’s up to you to feed your passion. Don’t find the time, make the time.”
The one thing I did to keep my passion burning bright was take acting classes – lots of them. I could squeeze them in early on Saturday mornings or late evenings. It was during one of my classes that a friend told me that there were upcoming auditions for Blue Window by Craig Lucas. It was with a real theatre company that paid real (small) salaries to the actors. I said I’d think about it.
The drive into the city was a tense one; my monologue ran through my head over and over. A voice inside of me said I wasn’t good enough and didn’t belong there. Evidently, that voice was wrong; I got a callback. If you’re not familiar with callbacks, it means I made the first cut and was invited to a second audition. The call back was for the following Tuesday.
Back at the office, my manager called me into her office. Our team was taking a significant risk and proposing a radical new training approach for our client’s sales force. I was leading the charge on a portion of the program, and my manager wanted me to go and represent the team in a critical meeting in Chicago the following week. I’d be offsite in Chicago Monday to Wednesday.
“Not every opportunity is the one that someone wants… even when it looks great from the outside. There are times that the big reward is, well, a punishment.”
The company I worked for was an up or out organization. You either kicked butt and promoted up the ladder, or you were politely counseled out and asked to leave. Expectations were high but so was the challenge and the rewards.
For the first time, my dream came face to face with my job.
Did I tell my manager I couldn’t go?
Suck it up and get on the plane?
Make up an excuse?
Suddenly get “sick”?
I decided to go with the truth.
I took a deep breath and knocked on her office door. The opportunity to represent our team in Chicago was fantastic and one that I appreciated. However, I got called back for a play. A professional production. No, no one knew about the audition. Yes, if I got cast, I’d make it work with our work.
Then, instead of telling me to call travel and book my tickets, she told me she’d send someone else to Chicago. The audition mattered, and I should go.
10 things I learned the day I shared my secret passion:
When something matters, speak up.
Working full time doesn’t mean that your side passion has to die.
Even if it’s not clear how from the onset, there’s always a way to make things work.
Not every right opportunity will come at the right time.
Don’t lie to get what you want, ask for it.
Life is made up of choices, not only opportunities.
Be prepared for the answer you don’t want.
Be ready for what you do want.
You don’t have to wait until you retire to do the things that you want to do.
Outcomes aren’t guaranteed, but it’s still worth it to take the chance.
In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t get cast in that production of Blue Window. I did, however, keep auditioning and performing. My manager gave me other opportunities, and as it turned out, that project was my absolute favorite in my entire career.
In fact, I found a way to use my side passion and bring it into my consulting work. The merging of the two turned out to be my dream job.
Break the Frame Action:
Where can you take your know-how from your passion project and bring it into your current work? Identify one action, big or small and commit to giving it a go this week.
Not everyone is fortunate to have their “dream job” and for those of us who have had that experience, we know that. much of it had to do with the choices we made and those we didn’t make, or perhaps turned down. Instead of a job we had work that mattered to us. My counsel to others who were not happy or fulfilled in their work/job was, you have a choice. Either find a way to get happy or change jobs and find one that is a better fit for who you are and what you care about the most. Easier said than done but you hit the nail again with this one: “Even if it’s not clear how from the onset, there’s always a way to make things work.”
I agree with you, Gary. My dream job didn’t last forever. It lasted a couple of years and I’m grateful for every minute I got to show up and do that work.
There are moments when things are amazing and many when they are not in our professional lives. We always need to may choices to stay or go, change or accept, adjust or acquiesce. In the end, we always have a choice.
I do see people who are able to bring some of the things that they lovee about their passions outside of work into their work-lives and that gives them a new spark when they were stuck going through the motions. Incorporating even small pieces enabled them to break the frame and see their current situation with fresh eyes and changed things for them without having to leave the organization.
Appreciate your input and perspective!
Alli
Alli, This is such an important post. It’s so easy to make decisions based on what we assume other people are thinking or what they will do… much of the time the scenario we make up is far more difficult than what they would ACTUALLY do. Speaking up and letting people in on what we are wrestling with allows for more productive and healthy conversations– and a chance to really think through the pros and cons together. Sorry you didn’t get that gig… but gosh, what a lesson.
With you, Karen! I wish that I got that part but learned that no matter the outcome, it always pays to be brave and ask. Like you mentioned, we make up stories about what someone else will say or do that more often than not, don’t serve us.
Thanks, Karen!
Most of wrestle with this question: passion or career? For many it’s an either/or way of looking at life. I absolutely loved aspects of my career, and those needs could not be fulfilled if I insisted on following my passion…for me, career and passion were two different things. What I finally came to realize is that yes, I needed to keep my passion for writing alive but my career also fed me in many important ways. It might come down to this question: can I have my cake and eat it too? I think the answer is YES! One of the biggest life lessons I learned is that timing is everything…when the time is right, the opportunity will present itself. I loved how you dug in your heels and talked it over with your supervisor 🙂
We can have it all (just not always at the same time). So often, people forget to keep their passion pilot light burning. I admit it’s been a long time since I’ve done any acting or classes. However, I’ve discovered new passions that I’ve worked into my job in small but meaningful ways. It’s painful to live a life where it’s career OR passion. Love that you now share lessons from your FBI career in your writing!
Alli