We have an obsession with perfection. Look at Facebook or Instagram for two minutes, and you’ll see the best parts of everyone’s life. What you don’t see are the 852 pictures that were not quite right and didn’t make the cut.
One thing you may not know about me is that I’m a novelist. Well, an aspiring novelist; kinda sorta real novelist. Truth is, I did write a novel and am now working on number two even though the first one was never published and likely never will see the light of day again.
There’s a part of me that wants to write fiction in addition to non-fiction, so I do. There’s the other quieter part of me that’s worried that while I’ve written a blog on change and personal leadership for seven years, I can’t tell a story, create a world or be a great real writer. You know real writers, the ones who you happily buy their latest release and then tell all of your friends about it so they can read it too. Then again, maybe I’m confusing real with wildly successful. There are many exceptional real writers out there who never achieve the pinnacle of commercial success.
Occasionally. I’ll ask myself some tough questions:
Why do I write?
What are my reasons to keep going if I’m reluctant to publish my first book?
What’s going to make the second one different?
When will I do more than secretly write?
When will I tell people I’m a writer?
Wait. Don’t leave yet. I have more than questions. Stick with me.
Finally, after a lot of reflection, I’ve got some answers.
(Insert drumroll here)
10 Things I Learned by NOT Publishing My First Novel
1) I can write a novel
Over 80,000 words with a character I love – I did it. I told her story. Maybe it wasn’t earth-shattering or vulnerable or brave or bold, but it was original, and I stuck with it to the end.
Ask yourself: When was the last time to persisted through the struggle to get to the end?
2) Skills improve when you use them
Every time I sit down to write a blog post or chapter in my novel it gets easier. The blank page is no longer intimidating.
Ask yourself: Are you giving yourself the space to grow or constantly berating yourself about how far you still have to go?
3) First drafts suck – it’s ok!
Back to the obsession with perfection. It’s possible with time and practice that you can get good or maybe even great at something. However, changes are, iteration number one will be a stinker.
Ask yourself: What do you do when you try something new… and stink?
4) We write drafts, not final products
My final version may not be a best seller on Amazon but trust me, if you read my first draft, you’d be amazed how far my last iteration had come.
Ask yourself: What’s something that you gave up on because your first try was lousy? What’s stopping you from giving it another go?
5) If you write, you’re a writer
It’s a dream for many writers to have zillions of people read their work and love it. However, the people who achieve that status are not the only ones who get to call themselves a writer.
Ask yourself: What title do you need to give yourself and embrace? Leader? Writer? Change Maker? (Do it and own it now, not only when you’re at the finish line.)
6) Reading is essential
I read every single day and devour many books a month. However, while I enjoy a great story as much as a non-fiction book that challenges my thinking, the best books transform my doing. I learn from them and do more than have an aha – I make a change.
Ask yourself: When was the last time you put a lesson learned from a book into practice? (For some of you the question should be: Am I reading enough?)
7) The work you put in doesn’t disappear
Sure, I’ve put my first novel to rest, but is it possible that in the future I’ll open Scrivener and work on her again? You betcha. I didn’t throw away a handwritten manuscript but closed an electronic document.
Ask yourself: What did you invest time and energy into in the past, that is a gem in the rough, and is waiting for more love from you?
8) We get more than one chance to get it right
Novel one done and unpublished. Yup. That didn’t stop me from starting number two. I could have told myself, “Oh well, you’re not meant to be a novelist. Nice try, lady.” Instead, I used what I learned from the process and started down another path.
Ask yourself: Are you being supportive with your self-talk or sabotaging your future success?
9) Tap into experts instead of believing you know it all
Beta readers were helpful, but most of them were complementary and supportive. What I really needed was some tough love and for someone to help me identify the flaws so I could improve. I hired an independent professional editor.
Ask yourself: Could you benefit from an unbiased outside expert to accelerate your growth?
10) Writing becomes a part of you
Like anything you love, you can take a break, but when you stop, you feel the emptiness. Don’t deny yourself your passion because you’re less than perfect at the craft.
Ask yourself: What do you love that you need to do more often for a more satisfying and fulfilling life?
This morning, I woke up with a single question clanging through the recesses my mind: “Why do it if you’re not going to do it well?” The inner conversation wasn’t pretty. “I’ve resisted writing too vulnerably; shying away from the scary stuff within,” I told myself. Real writers don’t do that.
As I opened my eyes and sleep faded, it was replaced by clarity. I released that I was confusing two words: well and perfect.
You can do something well and continue to grow and learn. When you’re perfect, that’s it. In fact, I am writing well, I know because I’m doing the best I can today while embracing a commitment be better tomorrow. You?
“I can’t tell a story, create a world or be a great real writer.” Bullshit to all three. I have known you long enough and well enough to disagree, respectfully of course. You do all three of those with uncommon talent, insight and good results.
One of my favorites, Anne Lamott, in “Bird by Bird” has a chapter about “Shitty First Drafts” and she is as honest as they come. Those of us who write, and sometimes publish, write because we find that it’s a way of expressing ourselves that help us organize our thoughts, communicate with others, and sometimes because we are simply compelled to write to get our stories and thoughts down on what used to be called paper. Still is in the publishing world. Keep at it, kid. You’re really very good, obviously better than you think you are. See what others have to say!
First of all, you’re too kind. I’m definitely learning and getting better. I stopped working on novel number two for a bit because parts of it weren’t great. So silly. Of course they weren’t great – it’s a draft. It’s better to go somewhere and revise than stop cold. Thanks for sharing Anne Lamott’s perspective. Now adding Bird by Bird to my reading list. We’ll see if I publish this novel or a non-fiction work next. One thing I know is that I’m going to keep writing.
Thank you!
Alli
What an honest and vulnerable post to share with all of us. First, I agree with Gary. You already are a captivating writer with your insightful and humorous posts about personal leadership. And I believe you have such a powerful narrative to share whether it is through fiction or non-fiction. So in the end just keep writing and inspiring us!
Like you, I have my times of doubt and frustration. My tip- own it and step out of it. Think of the successes and the people you have touched. I for one can attest to that.
Terri,
You were once a person I met on social media and now I’m fortunate to call you a friend. I know you’ve been writing for years and have been happily surprised to meet people you never knew, but who have been following your writing from the start. Sometimes we forget the reach of the right words at the right time to positively impact someone’s life. Thanks for the reminder. Appreciate you!
Alli
What a great list of positive outcomes that happened in spite of not addressing the original goal. We all can and should (I’d argue MUST) Consider our efforts to assess what happened, what’s been learned, what skills were developed, what we can do to improve the efforts made, AND what’s next. Sometimes, we’ll decide to move on to new opportunities. And sometimes we’ll decide to continue (remembering that perfection can be the goal but that getting better until we’re doing well is achievable).
By the way, quoting: “There’s the other quieter part of me that’s worried that while I’ve written a blog on change and personal leadership for seven years, I can’t tell a story, create a world or be a great real writer.” Many of us believe strongly you do tell super stories and are definitely a great real writer …
First of all, thank you for your support for my writing – it means a lot to me.
Also, you and I are definitely on the same wavelength. Even when we don’t hit our goals, we can learn from the experience and grow as a result. I could edit that first novel forever and maybe it would eventually be right to publish and maybe not. However, what I do know is that I’ve changed through the process and carry that with me into what’s next. That’s why the Personal Servant Leadership (#PSL) philosophy you share on Twitter resonates.
Alli
There is so much I identify with in such a brief blog post! Your leading paragraph drew me in as you know I work a lot on Instagram! My favorite client is perfectly imperfect and I have realized over time that WHY they are my FAVorite is because they have given me permission to own my imperfections as well. I love your stories about leadership and imagine your fiction would draw me in as well. Keep writing, Alli. And, keep me posted.
One sentence – big impact. They give you permission to own your imperfections too. So often, especially with clients, but also on most Social Media platforms we think we need to be perfect. Truth is, all of us have lives that have a messy truth and that’s what makes it interesting. My hope is that comes through in my writing too. Sounds like your client is a great match!
Thanks, Lori!
Alli
Alli, you are officially my hero! I can’t tell you how you’ve inspired me to write my own novel. Like you, I’ve had to pause and ask myself what the experience has taught me. #9 hit me hard as I’ve had to accept that I can’t write my novel without the help of an expert. You were a major influence in that decision, Alli, and gave me the kick I needed to find a good editor to help with pacing and character development. The tips you provide in this article proves to all of your readers that you are, indeed, quite a gifted writer. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your talent.
LaRae,
You are a gifted, real writer. I eagerly await your posts and articles and was wowed by your first attempt at fiction. I think one of the things I appreciate the most from the outside is you model what it means to stop thinking about writing and write! I’ve been slogging through number two and find all kinds of distractions to take me away from the work of getting the story down. When the time comes, I’d love the info on your editor!
Alli
Alli this wonderful!
I too have a first novel that’s sitting in a folder on the floor in my office after being told “your writing shows promise but we are not interested in the subject matter”. That was in 2006. Since then the story has undergone many iterations, including an electronically published version (which I know from the web stats people are reading), to a screenplay.
Yes, my screenplay is finished. Currently in it’s 9th version and with an independent assessor for critique. I’m so excited about it now. The process began 13 years ago and I finally feel that it’s “good enough”. Not perfect, but good enough!
One of my writer’s group said something interesting at our last get-together when someone else said “but I’m afraid to call myself a writer”. The published writer in the group referred to “this writing life” regardless of what it is you are writing. I write board evaluations and strategic plans for a living. I write science fiction for fun. I am a writer.
So are you! Revel in it!
Cheers from the far south,
Ingrid
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Ingrid! Inspires me. Maybe my original novel is only taking a nap and isn’t put to bed forever…
I’m so excited for you and your screenplay. I’m curious about next steps! Sell it or produce it?
“This writing life…” Yes. I’m all in.
Grateful for your support and connection, Ingrid. I’m cheering you on from the Red Centre!
Alli