What if every day you got rated on the things that you do? Your dress, effort, successes and failures?
At my daughter’s school, she carries her diary to every class. In it, she records her homework assignments, and she also gets marks from her teachers and other professionals at the school.
Blue Mark = Great job!
Red Mark = Bad!
H Mark = You didn’t do your homework!
So far, one term in, my daughter only has blue marks, but the pressure’s on to perform. The teachers count up blue marks and subtract red marks, and the final count tells a lot about the students.
What if at work…
You decide not to contribute to a team discussion – because it’s a waste of your time. Red mark!
You don’t share information you received from a client with the rest of the team. Red mark!
You spend time doing hip-to-hip coaching with a struggling team member. Blue mark!
You don’t take feedback to heart and disregard developmental suggestions from your boss. H mark!
What if at home…
You didn’t make your bed. Red mark!
You did the dishes without complaining. Blue Mark!
You threw out the mail instead of leaving it in a pile on the counter. Blue mark!
What if with friends…
What if with your family…
What if with your writing…
What if with your partner…
What if with your professional and personal development…
The list goes on.
Be honest and take a reality check:
How would you stack up at the end of the day?
The end of the week?
Would the balance be red or blue?
Not one person is perfect, but if you’re like me, you’re grateful that nobody is rating your performance moment to moment and writing it in a diary to keep score. Of course, that doesn’t mean that people don’t notice or care because they do.
When I lose my temper, I don’t get a red mark, but I leave a red mark on my relationship.
When I tuck my kids in at night, they hug me until I turn blue.
When I decide not to write on a day that I blocked the time, my H mark is the headache I’m left with because I’m stressed about doing double tomorrow.
What about you?
Are your days red or blue?
Break the Frame Action:
- Look back on your day and think about the moments that stick out.
- Ask yourself: Are they red or blue?
- What would you change not only about the circumstance but also about you?
Another excellent post Alli. Great ‘reality check’ for all of us! Have an awesome day!
Thanks, Cynthia!! Appreciate your support and connection!
These days over here, red and blue are inflamed. We are all on pins and needles, defining ourselves in these colors, pitting and warring against the other. This was the only thing I could think of as I read your post on this, yet another, primary Tuesday. I give myself a red mark for staying out of it as best I can, but I am a little blue about the situation . . . at least I am doing my homework.
Ahh. I hear you. 🙂
Red and blue are too often at odds, aren’t they?
I’m staying out of the war and keeping with the noticing… for now.
Thanks, Blair.
~ Alli
What a great idea to help us be accountable-giving ourselves red or blue marks!
Although I may have many blue marks on any given day like your daughter, I also have some red marks. I can’t always get to visioning and marketing. Those always seem to take a back seat to connecting with people.
Thanks Alli for a great post and challenging us to be honest with the good, the bad and perhaps the ugly!
I think we’ll always have a mix of red and blue – especially when it’s self-assessment – we can be extra tough on ourselves.
Noticing what’s present is as important as noticing what’s missing.
I’m with you too – I always choose connection.
Thanks, Terri!
I love this Break The Frame exercise! I did a 30 week Ignatian Retreat a few years back and we were encouraged to end each day by asking ourselves this question: Where did I find my consolations today, and where did I encounter my desolations? It was a reminder to take the time to be grateful for all that went well with our day and to look deeper at our desolations to determine what we needed to learn from them. It was an incredibly useful exercise….
Beautiful! It truly is a skill to cultivate – to look for the good in there amongst the challenges. Gratitude transforms. Appreciate that it wasn’t only looking at the “blue” but learning and reflecting on the “red.”
Appreciate that you shared it here. Reflecting…
Alli
This quote from your post that registered the most is: “Would the balance be red or blue?” As you mentioned, perfection is unattainable; so no 100% blue (can’t imagine 100% red either…). But truthfully, perfect should not even the goal. For sure, I believe it would emphasize safety, sameness, ‘like we’ve always done it’, … Everyone should seek creativity, address curiousity, –> take risks. This for sure means some reds among the blues; AND THAT’S GREAT!!!
I wouldn’t even suggest a percentage for blue. Rather, I personally would decide if I thought I was challenging myself sufficiently and go from there! I’m not sure where I stand at this point but I’m guessing it would be ‘quite red’…
And that would be my strong suggestion to everyone!!! Challenge yourself for sure; and assess your efforts NOT by proximity to 100% blues but on your chosen efforts – and whether you made reasonable progress.
WELL I’LL BE DARNED… Rather than straight A’s or A+’s, students should be assessed the same way!!! Not via grades but by their progress and self-controlled efforts…
I appreciate your spin on this! What if we aspire to get red marks because that’s where we’re stretching and growing? What if red is an indicator and not a final score?
Effort matters. I’m in the camp that effort gets a “blue” – not only a hit it out of the park homerun success.
Grateful!
~ Alli
We shouldn’t aspire to get a red; we should aspire to get a blue – BUT do aspire to grow, willing to take risks!!! And therefore as long as we seek to learn, to improve from a ‘red’, to me that indeed might be considered a ‘red’ literally OR it might be considered a ‘blue’ actually; doesn’t matter –> it’s a positive!!!
Great post Alli! I found myself thinking about how focused I’ve been on achieving lately and many red marks I’ve been giving myself. So I also found great encouragement in John’s reminder that risk must be taken, and expecting all blue marks is not realistic!
Thanks to both of you!