For months, it quietly happened, and then, suddenly, the assault ratcheted up to the point where I was unable to function. My website, the thing I created and allowed me to connect with people across the world gave me the finger. (You know what finger I’m talking about.) I was locked out; not for 20 minutes or an hour, but for days at a time. Three words: brute force attack.
My site wasn’t hit dozens or hundreds of times, but thousands. Saying it was under attack was putting it mildly. Yes, I have things in place to keep the wanna-be hackers out but didn’t realize it would work against me too. Finally, I figured out a small change that would allow me to do my thing and continue to block the attacks. Eventually, it trickled off and, it may be too soon to say forever, it stopped.
I didn’t do anything wrong except show up, want to work, and some people who didn’t even know me thought I had something they wanted and tried to stop me.
A website attack is one thing, what about when it happens at work?
Interesting, that when I started my position with a company that will remain unnamed, (this time I can say forever and mean it), I was also targeted by people who didn’t even know me. Only days into the job they put out a ton of effort to block me and take me down. They thought that targeting me would yield something good – my firing.
We did part ways, the company and I, however, the one thing I know for sure is it didn’t get better after I was gone.
You know what I represented to the managers and directors who felt threatened by my presence? Change.
Creating my position was a massive change for the organization.
What I wanted to accomplish would also mean change, and discomfort and growing pains.
Before I understood what was happening, I was under attack in ways that were both subtle and overt. One thing it had in common with my website attack was that it was unrelenting.
Initially, I was brought in to forward the senior leader’s agenda, but I was clear about my passion, experience, and point of view in my interviews too. We had to be a match, they didn’t want to hire a warm body to fill a seat, and I am more than a warm body.
It was only once I started that I realized that my agenda and their’s deeply conflicted. I viewed my job to create a great place to work, not build a jail cell with lucite bars people wouldn’t know existed until they rammed into them face first.
Then the attacks started. Slowly at first, not too aggressive, more low-key distrust and nastiness. Eventually, it built to all-out hostility, and there was no small tweak that I could make to make it trickle off.
What can you do when you’re under attack?
Don’t freak out
It’s confronting. Being under attack feels personal, but that’s not always the truth. Some people are bullies. They force their agenda instead of leading the way forward. When I left my position, do you think they stopped targeting people? No, they just found someone else. When they see you lose your cool, they level up their attack because it’s working.
REMEMBER: When you feel your blood pressure rising, a deep breath goes a long way.
Stay true to yourself
It’s tempting to do something radical to make the attack stop. I was so frustrated that I thought about shutting down my site permanently. With that company I worked for, I thought about letting myself become weak and backing off from what was best for the employees, all to protect my job and paycheck. (Did I mention it was a great commute too?) Instead, I chose to stand strong.
REMEMBER: They want to break you; you don’t have to let them.
Reach out to your supporters for help and advice
I was the solo HR practitioner in my organization but had professional colleagues to turn to for support and counsel. The Director of Marketing also started at the same time I did, and we had each other to lean on as we both acclimated to the organization. For my site, I turned to Twitter and got advice on how to manage and stop the attacks.
REMEMBER: There is always someone out there willing to help you’re brave enough to ask for it.
Refuse to be a punching bag
It hurts when you’re under attack. Good news is that even when less than ideal, there are always steps you can take to alleviate the pain and protect yourself. You never have to suffer at work, accept bullying, or be a punching bag. Not every path will yield positive results, but waiting things out is not always the right choice either. Personally, I have an action bias and when under attack it’s time to take action.
REMEMBER: You are smart and valuable. If you’re under attack at work, you don’t have to stay. You always have a choice.
“Know that you have the power to choose change.”
~ Alli Polin
The great news is my site is letting me do my thing, and I didn’t have to shut it down. The even better news is that I didn’t work for that company for one day longer than I did. The light inside of me was dimming. You and I? We were born to shine.
Wow! I am so sorry to hear about what was going on with your website. It sounds like you handled things well without losing yourself in the process. When I feel pushed against a wall my natural instincts are to figure out what is honestly happening and not jump to any conclusions. But once I figure it out I will not back down until I am back on my feet again.
Well done Alli! Glad to have you back!!! Terri
After I published this post I was locked out yet again! Ha! Finally back in and wanted to acknowledge that instead of jumping to conclusions you figure out what’s going on. For many people, it’s human nature not only to jump to conclusions but also become so frustrated that it stops them from finding workable solutions. Here’s to persistence!
Alli
I was in a company where I once found myself under attack. The attack came from someone who was higher than me on the hierarchy. To this day, I don’t know what triggered the attack; but, it was very organized and relentless. I was a top performer and had won a very important award. I was moved into a new position for the top initiative of the company. There were monetary incentives. There were marks I had to hit. I exceeded all of them. It made it hard to get rid of me. But, this person had a concerted attack which wiped out my whole organization, except for me. The person set me up for a multi level downgrade, which I declined. I elected to leave instead. Best decision I ever made.
Sorry to hear that your website took such a hit. I’ve seen a few other people also have their websites taken over. In one case, the person wasn’t able to recover it and had to start over. Congratulations on persevering.
Joy,
I’m so sorry to hear what you had to suffer through at work. Insane that someone was so threatened by you that they came after you. What always shocks me when I hear stories like yours is that the person who is aggressively bullying you doesn’t care about business outcomes. You worked for the same company and wanted the best outcome for the organization. By attacking you, they put the organizational mission on the back burner and pushed a top performer out the door along the way. I can so relate that it was the best decision you ever made – still sad to hear that it came to that.
Appreciate your willingness to share your story. Definitely resonates.
Alli
You know something that you’re really good at doing? Persevering. When the going gets tough you have what it takes. Joy G noticed the same thing. Perseverance pays off, eventually. I was attacked (viciously and threateningly) in the 60’s because of my stance on civil rights. When my family was threatened, I decided we needed to leave town and relocate. Thank goodness for choices, and for being able to change directions when necessary.
Thank goodness for choices! Yes!
I am working with someone who is bullied day after day and feels like they have no choices left. What we’ve talked about is how to move forward when it feels like there are no ideal choices or clear choices. Sometimes it takes getting creative and other times radical action – like leaving town to relocate.
I appreciate that rather than changing your stance, you moved. Sounds like a scary and complex situation.
Alli
Sometimes people look at me odd when I say this but to me choice is our superpower. First we have to choose to be ourselves and then stand up for the things we believe in despite those that will challenge our values and question our motives. Bullies only win when we decide to let them.
Life has a way of teaching us difficult lessons at times. Without question the lessons you learned from this company were that standing for your values was better than giving intona tozic culture. Thank you for sharing your lesson with us.
I love how you put that, Tom: Choice is our superpower. I agree with you. We can choose how we act, what we believe and when it’s time to walk out the door. We NEVER need to choose to stick things out as we’re being beaten down. Always better to take action to care for our mind, body, and spirit.
Many thanks!
Alli