In early 2010, a friend of mine asked me if I had read the Anatomy of Peace or it’s companion book, Leadership and Self-Deception, both from the Arbinger Institute. I had not, but added them both to my reading list and finally read them a few months later. I don’t know why I waited – I had never read a book that had a more immediate impact on my life, leadership, and the way I see the world than the Anatomy of Peace.
By 2011, I had not only taken Arbinger’s Anatomy of Peace course, but also completed their Choice in Coaching program and became an Arbinger trained coach. I rarely re-read books, but my original copy of the Anatomy of Peace is well worn. I buy it for my coaching clients and recommend it every chance I get.
I’m personally very excited for the updated edition and am happy to share with you this guest post from Bob Morley, SVP of Global Strategy at the Arbinger Institute.
I don’t know about you, but I stopped watching the news a while ago. Since shock is what sells, I just got tired of being shocked. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel that learning about what’s going on in the world is a worthy, even important endeavor. But the news I care to read is a far cry from the typical sensationalized stories about the worst humanity has to offer.
For better or for worse, I broke my “news silence” today and read an article that both disturbed me and reignited my desire to make a difference in the world. The article, posted here (CNN Article), summarized the court testimony of a former girlfriend of James Holmes, the man responsible for the tragic killings in a Colorado movie theater in 2012. Among the details shared is a haunting chat message posted by the murderer: “You take away life, and your human capital is limitless.”
Mr. Holmes’ message suggests that human life, rather than being of infinite worth, is merely a resource that can be exchanged for “limitless human capital.” I’m not going to waste time discussing the fallacies of such a tragically evil thought. However, I do want to suggest that whenever atrocities against humanity have been committed, they are usually done under a tragic mindset that the victims are not people, but are instead objects to be abused, exploited, or even exterminated.
What can be done to prevent the tragedies that occur when we see people as objects? I’d like to suggest something that we all can do, today, to add peace to our families, our communities, and our world. The invitation is simple: Start seeing everyone as people. Each time we label another human being as something other than a human being (conservative, liberal, obstacle in my way, fast or slow driver, stubborn child, idiot, cop, gangster, politician, jock, nerd, etc.) it becomes much easier to treat that human being as less than what he or she really is, a person with hopes, dreams, fears, struggles, friends, family, and limitless potential.
For example, the next time you find yourself knee deep in a politically-charged Facebook discussion in which opposing views arise and tempers flair, often with words that their authors would never use in face-to-face discussion, consider what would change if the angered parties stepped back and thought about their recently-acquired enemy as a real person. Would they listen differently to one another?
Could they more easily find the good and the reason behind their enemy’s point of view and more readily engage in civil dialogue? What would happen in your life if you saw everyone as a human being rather than as a potential obstacle, a vehicle to help you get what you want, or even an irrelevancy?
What would have happened in Colorado if Mr. Holmes had taken the time to contemplate the worth of each human being in that theater? Would the outcome have been different?
I’m not so naïve as to say that this simple change will solve all of the world’s problems, but I do believe it will make a difference. Do something truly newsworthy: See people as people.
Bob Morley is the Sr. VP of Global Strategy at the Arbinger Institute, the organization-author of the bestsellers, “Leadership and Self-Deception” and “The Anatomy of Peace,” which teaches concepts and models designed around the idea that seeing people as people can dramatically impact the results we achieve in organizations, in relationships, and in the world. Click here to learn more.
Resonate !
Hope you are doing fine . Sharing a paragraph I wrote .
A thought
Love yourself , others and the world! Become seamless in your persona, assess others but do not judge, live simply with joy & happiness in the present; reflect to not let ego, power & money to get into your head before it leads to a downfall. Appreciate nature, family & friends and take care of your health as these are the best available assets. Do your duties with diligence and empower yourself and others responsibly to live & let live! Other people and situation outside cannot always be the way you want but you can easily be as adaptable to it as you want to as it’s your well being that matter’s . In the larger purpose of life we are all inter connected. – Naveen khajanchi
http://www.naveenkhajanchi.com
Beautiful thoughts, Naveen! Thanks for sharing!
What I love most about Arbinger’s work is the important reminder to see people as humans, not objects. When we connect to the person and not the role, position or situation, we can have a heart at peace.
~ Alli
Great thoughts here, Alli!
Most of us have a binary brain where there is right or wrong, black or white, either/or.
Life is not that simplistic, and only the immature do not realize that. They hold on to that binary/dualistic way of thinking for many reasons. When we’re younger, it feels safe to be right or wrong—it helps to create standards, morals, and our belief system.
It becomes a problem when we outgrow those childish approaches (which are fine because they give us a moral compass). But like training wheels, we need to let go and learn to appreciate ideas that are different from our own—even if we don’t agree with them.
Ego is the culprit, because it never wants to be wrong.
This article is a great reminder that we all need to work toward something bigger than ourselves…
Fantastic addition – thanks, LaRae. It’s interesting that you bring up the need to be right – and to let go and appreciate ideas from others. It’s when we view others as obstacles in our way, as if we’re better than, more important than, smarter than… that we run into problems and create walls instead of solutions.