I was honored when Stephen Lahey recently interviewed me for his Small Business Talent Podcast and we talked about leadership, entrepreneurship and what it means to Break the Frame. It was a great conversation that I’m happy to be able to share with you.
As you’ll hear, when Stephen asked me about how I came to my personal definition of leadership, my answer was clear: I’ve learned a lot about leadership not only from the great leaders I’ve worked with, but also the really lousy ones. Some of the worst appeared to barely care about the team’s presence and effort at all, but many more were lousy leaders with great intentions. It’s the mismatch between intention and action that gets me thinking. What’s stopping these caring, smart individuals from leading in a way that respects people, is open and honest, and is in alignment with their personal values?
Five Reasons Well-Intentioned Leaders Still Miss the Mark
Do you fall into any of these traps?
Must Be Seen as “The Leader”
You think that a new fancy title means you need to change who you are? Think again. Acting out the role of a leader, like you’re in a play, won’t earn you the trust and respect of your team. Take a deep breath and connect with others. Here’s the great news: You don’t have to have all the answers so let go of the idea that leadership is about telling others what to do. Like the best leaders listen well, ask terrific questions and clear the way for shared success.
Lack of Role Models and Mentors
So you’ve never had a great leader show you the way? You’re not alone. According to a 2011 LinkedIn survey of 1000 female professionals, one in five have never had a mentor because they never found someone appropriate. Here’s the scoop: YOU are a role model. Whether you’re ready to be a role model or not, people look up to you. Now is the time to change the game, mentor others, share your experience and be the role model that you always wish that you had.
Never Given Real-Deal Feedback
Does this sound familiar? “I really have no feedback for you, you’re doing a great job, keep it up!” That’s a copout. Without being nitpicky, leaders can always help their people be better. Feedback that’s given in service of personal growth is a gift but it’s one that you can ask for. If you’ve only been given the verbal thumbs up, start to ask questions to learn more about your blind spots and how you can turn intention into action.
Rely on Org Charts Instead of Their Gut
The org chart is literally a piece of paper that tells us a lot about formal power structures but very little about leadership. Listen to your gut… do you really only need strong relationships with people with titles equal or greater than your own? Ummm, no. Leaders live and work at every level in the organization and you need to find them and develop relationships with them. By relationship, I don’t mean take control of their influence but instead connect with them to increase your ability to get close to front line concerns and create positive change.
Lack Self-Confidence
If you’ve ever had a flashing moment of doubt and asked yourself, “How did I get here? Will people see me as a fraud? I’m not sure what to do next.” Here’s the most important thing for you to truly and deeply know: You are not alone. Even seasoned leaders have moments of self-doubt. It’s called humility. Thank your lucky stars that you are not so arrogant to think that you have all the answers and do not need to listen to a single other individual. Use your humility to solicit and be open to insights and ideas from across the organization. Together, not alone, you can create and do great things.
Well-intentioned leaders have what it takes to be good, if not great, leaders: Desire. They want to make a difference to people and to the business yet are falling short with one, the other, or both. If this rings true for you, how can you turn things around and create a meaningful leadership legacy?
- Keep Learning
- Keep Asking
- Keep Trying
Would love to hear about one of the leaders that shaped your personal definition of leadership ~ the good, the bad and the ugly! Also, hope you’ll take the time to listen to the podcast – look forward to your thoughts.
Great Post, much of the people I know, when they are hired in a better possition start to perform differently. A LEADER MUST HAVE INTEGRITY
Other things that have happened to me is to be told about my mistakes and my performance from other people…
Im on a entry level position, I spected more got less, Im leaving.
I agree with you – all leaders need to have integrity. It’s human nature to spend a minute puffing ourselves up about a promotion but great work can’t be done when the leader is so busy puffing that they no longer see themselves as a part of the team but instead, above it. It sounds like you’ve had a really challenging experience with your current company. I’ve worked for great leaders and managers, awful ones and everywhere in between and it’s hard to stay engaged and committed when all you get is bad. I sincerely hope that your next stop is one filled with inspiration, good intentions and great leaders.
I think one trap that inexperienced leaders fall into is thinking they need to have all the answers. They fear being vulnerable and think they are weak if they don’t have an answer for everything.
Dan – Absolutely! Leaders that think that they need to have all of the answers are selling themselves and their teams short. Thanks for pointing out that it’s really fear of being vulnerable and weak. Strength comes from collaboration – the best ideas are not ours alone.
Thanks again for joining me on the podcast, Alli! Your insights will help a lot of people to “break the frame” and make their business / life better.
Absolutely my pleasure! You have such a tremendous resource for small business owners! Honored that you asked me to join you on the podcast.
Great points, Alli! I, too, have known leaders that had good intentions but lacked the emotional intelligence and skills to back up their intentions.
I absolutely love your suggestion to BE the role model, even if you don’t have one. I think all of us can be leaders in our organizations and communities- even if we are not in an obvious leadership position. It is not titles or status that create leaders- it’s individuals that lead.
I am glad I stumbled into Toastmasters last year because I have learned many great leadership skills in Toastmasters! I have learned how every member has something to contribute and can be a role model and leader. I have learned how to evaluate and give good feedback. I have also gained self-confidence! I would recommend Toastmasters to any leaders with good intentions- regardless of their experience level. We all have more to learn!
Have a grateful day!
Chrysta
Chrysta, Thank you so much for your insights into Toastmasters and building leadership! I know that it’s a great way to build public speaking skills but clearly, there is a lot more to be gained. Despite the fact that I live in a small town, I’m going to see if there is a local Toastmasters group that I can join.
Also – you used the two words that sum up this post so well: Emotional Intelligence. I’ve seen many leaders have their desire to be great focused inward (I’m important, I matter, I deserve respect) instead of outward (we’re all important, everyone matters, respect all).
Many thanks, Chrysta!
Terrific post Alli! I especially loved your point about not focusing on the organization chart names to build relationships. Sometimes we get caught up in that hierarchy when we should be cultivating relationships at all levels. Leaders can learn so much from every team member. Thanks again!
Thanks, Terri! There are many more incredible passionate leaders in most organizations than there are names on the org chart. If leaders only engage with each other they will hardly notice as engagement falls and they’ll be left wondering why people leave. Always appreciate your insights!
Alli,
Another great one! For me, I was fortunate to work for a US Senator who demonstrated humility and consistency in all he did. He interacted with people with ease, familiarity, and attentive listening. As important, his character was always on. Position didn’t matter. During and after his terms in office, he was the same person. All of these provided me with excellent leadership lessons, and ones that I try my best to carry forward.
Thanks!
Jon
LOVE hearing about great leaders. We write and talk a lot about great leadership as a blogging community and seeing it in action is a tremendous learning opportunity. The Senator you describe sounds like he was comfortable with who he was and in turn could give his best to others. The fact that you can write “position didn’t matter” matters to me. Elected officials are put in positions of power by their people and the best ones never forget that they too are only human. Many thanks for sharing your experience and adding depth to this conversation!
As always Alli you’re reaching out and leaving a lasting inprint !
Great leaders have superpowers don’t they?
Real ability to allow others to shine.
Thanks for your gift, being there for all of us… I dedicated my recent post to you 😉
Johann
Great leaders teach me and call forth the best in me all the while making me feel like I’m 100% capable of making the leap… what a gift! You, my friend, are one of those leaders. Many thanks!!
Great post Alli.
The two biggest for me in my own life are:
Lack of ‘appropriate’ role models and mentors. (this one has been HUGE)
Rarely receiving honest to goodness real-deal feedback. Which is very different then hyper-criticism, etc. Critics are plentiful. People who are willing and able to supply genuine, real-deal feedback and who simultaneously have YOUR (or my) best interests at heart? A rare find. I’ve really had to be intentional in seeking it out.
Love what you shared at the end: Keep learning. Keep seeking. Keep trying.
Thanks for sharing Alli.
~Samantha
Samantha –
Like you, I’ve found mentors few and far between. Some have come into my life for a time and unfortunately were not long term. The feedback is so important. A pat on the back does not help us to grow and move forward in our careers or increase our ability to make a positive impact with others in the organization. Sounds like you seek it out and I wish that more people were willing to do the same. It can be scary to ask for feedback but it’s a fear thats worth facing.
Greatly appreciate your comments and experience!!