I have been reading Luke Roland’s blog for a while and his writing is really powerful and honest. He doesn’t just write about what we need to do to change, lead, or tap into our dreams, he lives it. I’m honored that he has agreed to share a guest post with you here on the Break the Frame blog. Thanks, Luke!
I have often been mesmerized at people who have experienced great change in their lives. People who made the leap to their dreams. People of great faith that moved mountains. People that pushed through when they should have quit.
What is equally as motivating as those who have accomplished great things are those that did not. The question I am asking myself lately is why didn’t they make the leap. What is the difference maker? I’m not sure I know the answer. Some of it could be nature and nurture. Some of it could be cognitive and behavioral.
In my own life different experiences have caused me to change. Over the years there were beliefs that I held that have now evolved. Ideas and convictions that I thought were written in stone that I have seen change. Why is it that some people have consistently stayed the same without movement or change in their life?
What prompted me to think about this is my current employment. I have been working with the homeless of NYC for the past 7 months. I have seen people come off the streets, get clean, get education, and get a job. It never ceases to inspire me to see someone get a second, third, and fourth chance at life.
However, my heart breaks when I see the man or woman come in day after day and get food, but never make the necessary steps towards recovery. They may have been hurt, they may have been in their situation so long they don’t see a way out, and ultimately they don’t think change is for them.
How can you lead the horse to the water and make him drink? How can you help someone make the leap?
One thing I know to be true is that you can’t make a person change that does not have a desire to, but you can do things to inspire them to change. I think as leaders we have the responsibility to do what we can to help people live a better life. Here are a few ways I think we can help inspire others to make the leap:
Love
John Maxwell says, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” You have to earn the right to be heard with people, and the best way to earn it is to love the other person. Our standard should be to love people when they are unlovable and in their worst moment.
Henry Cloud says, “change does not hit until reality does.” When reality hits in someones life, then you will have the platform to lead them through the love you have shown.
Paint a Picture
I’m still a young man and full of energy and vitality, but as my wife and I are approaching the next decade of our life we started to realize that we needed to make some changes for our health.
When you are in a dr.’s office and they paint a picture of bad health for you, it gets your attention. If you want to lead someone to change show them a better way of life they could have if they made some adjustments.
Model Change
I don’t think you can take someone somewhere that you have not first been. After experiencing change in your life you can model it to others through your actions. People learn and are led visually. I can see this firsthand in the life of my 4 year old son. My son picks up the good and the bad by watching me.
“People are watching you so use it as an opportunity for influence.” (Click to Tweet)
You have a gift that others don’t have and there are people in your sphere that can be brought up. How can you get them there? I think the above examples can get you started, but if everything fails always remember the greatest of these is love.
BIO: Luke categorizes himself as a big dreamer! He lives in NYC with his wife and two kids. He blogs at lukeroland.com where he seeks to inspire people to leave the familiar and pursue the dreams that are in their hearts. You can follow him @lukeroland.
The hardest part of leading others to change involves changing ourselves. It’s that simple, and that hard. Inspiring post. Thanks, Luke.
I agree, Steve! Change starts with you (and me). Thanks so much for sharing and commenting on Luke’s post!
An insightful mix, Luke. Maybe that is one of the hardest thing for us to realize is that we cannot change someone. We can discuss it with them; we can set a good example; we can encourage; and we can love. The rest is up to them. It is the same with our own self. We can only change what we recognize, accept, and then take the steps in a different direction.
Great insights! Thanks. Jon
Hi Jon, thank you for your always encouraging comments. It is very hard to try to change someone and very hard when it is someone you love. When you can see where they can be and they don’t make the effort is heartbreaking.
Thanks for commenting, Jon! When we love, and do not force, coerce or demand, we create the space for change. I appreciate Luke’s insights too – helpful for all of us.
Stephen, thank your for comments. It is a lot easy to tell someone that they need to change without first looking at ourselves to see areas of growth. I heard someone say one time that the highest form of discipline is self-discipline.
Loved your post, Luke! It is virtually impossible to change someone who doesn’t want to change. Your three points are great and I especially connect with modeling change. It is a very powerful way for others to see how it can be done.
Like you, I modeled the importance of change with my children and do so with every presentation and training I have.
You are a great change agent for others to follow! Thanks Luke for your perspective.
Terri
Hi Terri, thank you so much for your comments. I had to learn not to try to change someone the hard way! In fact I sometimes find myself still doing it at times. I have to remind myself of the key principles and be a model for others. Thank you again!
Terri – you are a fantastic role model for change and standing up for what matters most. Thanks so much for commenting on Luke’s post and sharing your experience too! Appreciate you tremendously!
Luke this is a great post! This line rocked, “I don’t think you can take someone somewhere that you have not first been. After experiencing change in your life you can model it to others through your actions.”
(I checked out your blog, your passion for change resonates – loudly!)
Thank you Alli for introducing us to Luke!
Hi Chery, I really appreciate your kind words and for checking out my blog. I’m really grateful to Alli for giving me an opportunity to share my heart with her readers.
Chery – My pleasure to introduce you to Luke! I’m so happy he agreed to share his insights here! Thanks for commenting and sharing too.
I know in my own life that the example set by others had a tremendous influence on me. I agree…people learn and are led visually. When we are authentic, we model our core values and beliefs, and this is what people pick up on. It helps them #maketheleap
Great post!
LaRae, thank you for your comment. I think your point about authenticity is key. People want the real thing and when that is modeled people will come on board.
Alli!!!
I feel your energetic self in this post.
You are the Change Diva as far as I’m concerned.
Since day 1 of our infectious connection you have been a remarkable and unstoppable supporter of inspiring others to embrace their gifts and greatness. I know I have because you made yourself vulnerable with me which I believe invites others to do the same. When you are who you are people believe and jump.
Thanks for helping many of us do precisely that!
Appreciate you.
Johann