Essential Leadership Lessons to Survive Life with Teens

Babies are cuddly, toddlers are cute and say the funniest things, preschoolers break your heart when they walk into the classroom without looking back, and primary school kids want you to see them and be with them. Then they go to high school, and it’s all over.  

Teenagers are going to be the end of me. No longer desiring a cuddle, and mommy can’t fix every boo-boo, parenting teens sucks in oh-so-many ways. Tell a young kid what to do and they do it even if they’d rather not. Tell your teen, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a smirk, which is more palatable than the alternative.  

I have friends with younger kids who have asked me advice about being a parent to teens. My advice? Nada. I don’t have any, I told them. I have no idea how to get this right and make sure we all live to tell the tale.  

Then I realized, I do know how to parent teens at least a little bit because there are a lot of essential leadership lessons to get me (and you) through the worst. As a leader, coach, and consultant, these are lessons that I’ve known and shared for years but have too often neglected to put them in motion with my little darlings.  

11  Essential Leadership Lessons for Leaders at Work (and Parenting Teens)

Talk Less, Listen More

When you drone on, people tune you out, much like my teens. Nobody likes a lecture; they sit still to get through it. You know what happens when you stop talking, it gives room for others to speak. Radical, no? 

Pick your battles

As much as you wish you could control the universe, you can’t. Whether it’s your team, or your teen, not every decision has to be a battle with you as the victor. Some points don’t matter, let them go.  

Give people the space to get things done

When you ask someone to do something, do you always mean immediately? People are juggling multiple priorities. If your ask is imperative ASAP, say so. Otherwise, agree on a deadline and let them do their thing.  

Don’t correct absolutely everything

You may pride yourself on noticing every single mess up, a gifted armchair quarterback. As much as it may kill you inside, you don’t have to correct every single thing. I admit I’m working on this one. 

People have a life outside of work

The people on your team have a full life. You can pile on tasks and to-dos until they reach the ceiling or recognize that balance matters.  

Keep your door open

The people on your team will come to you for support, insight, encouragement, to share success, and a challenge if you keep your door open. Be welcoming and available; it works wonders.  

Assume the best

When you assume the best of people, they rise to those expectations. People know when you think they’re worthless or incompetent, and they know when you believe that they have it in them to be great.  

Respect that they too are a human being

While in HR, I once worked for a senior leader who told me he didn’t care if I had to sleep under my desk to get the project done because, as far as he was concerned, I didn’t have a life that mattered. I did, and I left.   

Watch your words

It’s normal to feel angry and frustrated, just like it is to feel happy or in love. We have a range of emotions, but not every one should explode out of you. They say think twice speak once for a good reason.  

Temper tantrums are not model leadership (or parenting)

Freak out? They’ll learn that’s a part of the culture and it’s cool when they do it too. Stay composed, walk away to pull yourself together, and then reengage to model a better way. Remember, you set the tone.  

Trust is a two-way street

You have to trust your team (and unfortunately, your teens) to do the right things, and they have to trust you too. Lead with trust, not suspicion. Will you be let down? Sometimes. If you want them to trust you, set expectations, and always be trustworthy too. 

I figure, eventually they’ll be in their 20’s, and we can all look back on these years with a softer, gentler focus. For now, all I can do is lead forward.  

Your team at work is not made up of your kids. Moreover, while family is forever, we’re stuck with each other, your team is not stuck with you. They can and will leave any time to go somewhere they’re both respected and valued. Treat them like professionals, keep these essential leadership lessons in mind, and you’ll get through the rough times and the best times too.  

What would you add? What are the top essential leadership lessons that have served you well in both life and work?