It’s Saturday morning and all’s still quiet. Play dates and sleepovers have not started, the TV is not blaring and everyone is feeling good; it’s a beautiful place to be. After making sure that the kids were fed and cleaned up, it was my turn. I made an egg white omelette, an enormous mug of hazelnut coffee and sat at the table with a book I’m reading. Serenity until… I knocked my mug and spilled the coffee, well, everywhere.
Darn! (Ok, I didn’t really yell darn but you can imagine one of the more colorful words I used.) I spilled on everything!
Voices from the family room asked with concern:
- Are you OK?
- Are you burned?
- Did you get hurt?
- Can you make some more?
It’s just a book and breakfast…
Their voices of reason were like my inner voice that I was closing off and refused to hear. They made sure I got the message. It’s just coffee.
Before riding your emotions, call up some reason to join you on the journey (Click to Tweet)
Spilled anything lately?
Every time we try something new and it fails to go as planned, it’s like a spill. Presentations that fall flat, interviews that make you wish you could eat your words, big dinner that gets burned and you need to call out for pizza, the email that you sent to your boss with a big glaring typo that wasn’t caught by spellcheck. They make your cheeks burn hot and your stomach do flip-flops in horror. Good news: You’ll live.
I could have spilled the coffee on my shirt or exposed arms and been really burned; not every spill is created equal.
Mistakes and mess-ups are a part of life; learning points, not stopping points. (Click to Tweet)
Deep Breath…
Put it in perspective:
Are there really long-term consequences that will never fade with time? Are you sure that your “oh crap” moment was quite as bad as you think? I can remember being in a play, up on the stage, my cast-mate jumbled their line and we needed to get back on track as a team. The cast and I kept on going without a single pause or a giggle. To us, it felt monumental and to the audience, it was honestly not even a blip in the performance.
Find your voice of reason:
Are you quick to jump to the worst possible scenario? Truthfully, there are probably one million things more probable than the worst case. For example, when I see my child struggling with fractions in fourth grade I’m apt to lament, “How will she ever get into college!?” Really? She has another eight years – I think she’ll be fine.
Make another cup:
Most people don’t have too many once in a lifetime opportunities. What if those that do fall through the cracks, or fall victim to your spills and gaffes, were simply not meant to be? Feels a lot less stressful, right? Instead of wallowing in what could have been, focus on what will be because you’re committed to take action to create it. I was angry that my peaceful morning moment was interrupted. My choice? I could either let my serenity slip away or simply grab a paper towel…
What else would you add? I’m going to boil the water and call a do-over with cup number two.
For coaching, consulting or speaking Let’s Connect!
Love the post, Alli! We had one such error yesterday in an email and thought we might have lost a new customer over it. He just brushed it off as a typo (which is what it was). Panic can set in so quickly! Great lesson.
Panic does set in quickly! I agree! Love your story and it shows that we’re all human and people truly do understand when we’re less than perfect. Thanks, Joy!
Alli, again your real-world examples carry so much wisdom. None of us like the ‘oh crap’ moments that always seem to happen at the worst possible moment – but the ability to keep a positive perspective regardless, is priceless.
Years ago, I had the misfortune to work with someone for whom, everything was an ‘oh crap’ (or worse) moment – every little speed bump, was a major crisis and produced a predictable melt down period – needless to say, leaders who lose the ability to maintain balance make it difficult to follow.
Many thanks for your thoughts,
Happy Holidays,
Carl
@SparktheAction
Isn’t it funny how some people react to everything the same – from truly offending a client… to code that doesn’t work… to no coffee in the break room. It becomes a lot like working with the boy who cried wolf. I could not imagine working for a leader that could not differentiate what was crisis-worthy and what you could learn from and just let go.
Always grateful when you share your insights here, Carl. Thank you! Happy Holidays to you too!
Hi Alli,
The ability to step away from an emotional hijack – whether it be spilled coffee or someone cutting you on in traffic is critical.
I think the key is working on our self-awareness before these events take place, so we learn to recognize them when they do occur. This makes it much easier for us to take that deep breath and put things into perspective.
Thank you for an enjoyable read.
Excellent! Emotional hijack. It really does come down to self awareness. Do we realize that we’re fully fueled by emotion or are we able to balance our emotional response with a rational perspective as well? Thinking about what it means to be in that state of self-awareness before the events even take place. Intrigued and processing.
Thanks, Bill!
I love how you weave real life stories into life lessons.
For me: SPILLED THE COFFEE… makes me think-
Was I rushing, was I present, was I listening, was I pay attention?
When I rush, when I want to do more, be more, have more, say more. I tend to not give enough to what I am doing at the moment.
Spilling- causes me to pause.
Slow down. make each moment count. make each chore matter.
Lolly
The pause. So much happens in that brief moment. ah-has, learning, new choices, new attitudes. We tend to live in a rush (or at least I do) that slowing down is far more difficult than I somehow feel it should be.
I was passing through breakfast – caught in between the doing of family breakfast and the doing of all the things on my list for the rest of the day. Truly, the being is more important than the doing. To make the moment count, I had to be in the moment. Puts things in a whole new perspective.
Much gratitude for sharing your wisdom and heart here!
Even the worst coffee spill is no match for long strings of expletives shouted in the proper combination. Well, that and paper towels. 🙂
Oh, I’m good with the expletives. Now I need to master only saying them in my thoughts and not out loud! Although, hearing myself I started to laugh at the situation. Just what I needed.
Thanks, Steve!
Loved the post, Alli as you made me laugh just thinking how crazed I get sometimes over stupid mishaps!
I do think that having a sense of humor can get us through some sticky situations.
A few days ago I was taking a NYC subway and instead of walking towards the right train, I followed the crowd down a long tunnel. I was so mad! After a few tears, I pulled myself together and retraced my steps and empowered myself to never make that mistake again. Phew! Ha!
Thanks for giving us perspective!
Terri –
What I love is that you empowered yourself in that story! You didn’t need to be rescued, you weren’t a victim… you made a mistake and empowered yourself to make another choice and get back where you wanted to go.
I learn so much from you, Terri and truly value your friendship. Thank you for sharing your stories and deepening the learning.
What a great perspective Alli on something we all tend to freak out about from time to time! I remember hitting the “send” button accidentally before I had edited an important email to a client a few months ago and felt like I’d set off a nuclear disaster! It took me a while to calm down and realize in the “whole scheme of life” sometimes its just not as important as you blow it up in your mind to be. People tend to be so forgiving – often more forgiving than we are to ourselves.
I agree with Lolly though, sometimes those spills create a great moment to “get the lesson,” even if the lesson is to lighten up a bit. 🙂
Thank you Alli – I love your stories, they always create such a powerful visual for me.
Karen, I know that feeling you must have had the moment you pressed send all too well. People are so much more forgiving of us than we are of ourselves. “If only I didn’t” or “What was I thinking” becomes a broken record instead of just learning the lesson and letting it go.
I love that you share your stories and experience here too! Makes it so much richer. Appreciate your connection.
I take issue will spilled coffee and red wine. Two big no no’s. Great stuff Alli.
I hate to spill either one! I’m very lucky that I can always get more have more or make more. (can you tell I’m feeling grateful?)
Thanks, Brian!
There is an adage in India “every small mishap means that a major catastrophe has been averted”…Imagine an appendicitis surgery which meant missing the flight to reach NY Twin Towers for a meeting on 09/11… Every moment deserves celebration and gratitude. (having said that, i still cry ‘Why Me’ at every small mishap)
You have no idea how much I love that, Gurpreet! If every mishap, every spill is meant to be… WOW.
Love your honesty too. I’m totally going to carry your wisdom with me and see how much faster I can let go of the “why me” and leap to acceptance and gratitude for the moment.
Big thanks for sharing!! Much appreciated.
Alli, Keeping perspective is vital! It is easy to focus on a smaller error and lose sight of the bigger picture. Laughter is a great way to relieve the immediate pressure of a mistake and immediately change our perspective. At times, when we make non-life-changing mistakes, laughing at the moment may snap us back to the right perspective. All the best to you, and go grab another cup! Thanks. Jon
Laughter is KEY!! If we can’t laugh at ourselves, clearly we’re taking things much too seriously. Laughter diffuses situations that feel like they have no escape just because we can’t see it. I laughed as I wiped up my mess last weekend for sure.
Many thanks, Jon!
Love this post, Alli!
This is a great sentence: “Mistakes and mess-ups are a part of life; learning points, not stopping points.”
A very powerful point…I loved it.
Thanks, LaRae! Your feedback and friendship mean a TON to me!
Well, it really depends which book you spilled the coffee on, right 😉 Just kidding. Great reminders, so important during this hectic time when everything feels so urgent.