I always thought it would be cool to collect something. To love something enough that I enjoyed the hunt and became an expert at spotting quality. For a while, I tried teacups. Pretty, flowered, delicate and a snooze-fest. I bought two or three, got one as a gift and admitted to myself that teacup collecting was not, well, my cup of tea. (Bet you could see that one coming)
I moved on to shoes, scarves, jeans and a bunch of other stuff that I long ago donated to Goodwill. When I first read the Simple Living Guide, it was a breath of fresh air. I was collecting the wrong things. I wanted a richer life, not a cluttered life.
Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell you to sort through all of the crap you’ve acquired over the years and give it all away. I like my stuff as much as the next person.
There’s nothing wrong with things. Your goal shouldn’t be to live in a big blank space but to recognize when the quest for more is filling a hole that’s bigger than that sliver on the self of your display case.
Long ago, a friend who had just gotten divorced told me: “I collected fine jewelry, he had a cellar of wine, we spent more time buying our favorite things than with each other.”
Can you relate?
Enough is Not a Number
Some people collect teacups, others collect fancy jewelry, but for both, the compulsion for more is what keeps the collection growing. The feeling that the perfect number, the perfect specimen or pair is the next one. Magically, everything will be different when you have it. Then you get it and it’s not so different after all. It’s just one more in your collection.
My children collect squishies, mystery boxes and all kinds of things I don’t understand or enjoy and I’m their Sugar Momma. We’ve talked about how they only have two hands, why do they need more? When will they have enough?
They look at me and laugh.
Funny, when my financial advisor asks me what will be enough for us in retirement, I give him a similar expression. How do we know we won’t need or want more? Why stop at some arbitrary number that’s supposed to be enough? What if it’s not?
Enough Already
Enough is a difficult concept for kids to grasp. Often met with a gasp, they wonder aloud: How could there ever be enough toys or unboxing videos, or iPad time?
Are you a collector?
… of degrees or certifications?
… Twitter followers?
… Facebook friends?
… Blog subscribers?
… Ideas?
… Likes?
None of those things matter, you know. What matters is how you use your knowledge, or followers, or friends, or ideas to engage and create a world and life experience that is richer and more meaningful because of your connection.
When is it Enough?
It’s enough when your life is full and still has space to flex.
It’s enough when your heart is at peace.
It’s enough when you’re having fun, playing, and enjoying – not just working for more.
It’s enough when you hate it. You’re bored. You’re filling a hole that’s bottomless with things that don’t matter to you.
[Tweet “In your quest for more, how will you know when you have enough? #life #leadership”]
Break the Frame Action:
My financial advisor encouraged me to think about my life and ask myself what I want to do in the future. What’s important to me? In essence, to create a vision for the future so the choices I make today can bring me one step closer to the tomorrow I want.
When that vision is clear, then I can calculate. How much will be enough for that life and those experiences?
Your turn.
If you’re collecting likes or followers or business ideas or whatever… Why? What do you want? What’s the dream; the vision?
Write it down.
Don’t just think about it in the five minutes before you fall asleep tonight. Grab a pen or your computer and write down what you want to create in your life. What would make your life full, happy and the one you want to live? It doesn’t have to be pretty. Brainstorm in whatever way works for you – mind mapping, bullet points, etc.
Take a look at your list.
Now ask yourself:
Am I collecting the right things?
Are my actions (and collections) bringing me closer to where are want to go or just keeping me busy?
When will I have enough?
Very very deep & interesting question Alli, “When do you have enough?” You really ask questions that transform how we live and look at the world.
It made me reflect on another question, “How much do I need to have to help others?” Maybe if we lived from that perspective, the first question wouldn’t puzzle us. There is something quite freeing about focusing on others rather than on ourselves beyond providing for our basic survival.
I would call this blog post of yours one of the most transformative you’ve ever written!
Thank you,
Kate
Powerful addition, Kate. That question changes everything, doesn’t it. When we stop making things all about us, what we need truly does change.
Grateful for your perspective.
Thanks, Kate.
Alli
Your blog post Alli is a great topic for #PeopleSkills global chat. I will credit you with the topic when we do it!
Many thanks,
Kate
Fantastic! Maybe I’ll try to take an afternoon nap so I can stay up late and be there!
Thanks, Kate!
I love your post! I agree Alli that sometimes we get so caught up in collecting “stuff” or being recognized as a top leader on a list that we forget what we stand for. I think it all begins with each of us leaning into what is really important for us in our individual careers and not looking at what other people are doing. Sure we need to consider our competition but not become them.
I love your questions and call to action steps. I will try thinking about them today!
Thanks Alli and will share!!
Terri, you are a wise woman. I’m lucky to know you.
Alli
What an important quote that everyone must Consider (and choose): “What matters is how you use your knowledge, or followers, or friends, or ideas to engage and create a world and life experience that is richer and more meaningful because of your connection.“ And as you so perfectly note, Alli, any success (no matter how we define ‘success’ for us) depends upon our vision – one last time: “Full Steam Ahead” by Blanchard and Stoner is a great resource!!! With that vision, we’re then able to develop a plan of action, a plan that can and will need to be assessed and revised as we seek our success.
One thought I’ve just begun exploring is why we all seem to expect that plan will always be difficult to implement. The key word there is ‘always’ because there will be difficult times if we have a meaningful vision, resulting plan, and definition of success. One fairly obvious example: We choose to curb overeating / lose weight to address “being fit” as part of vision. Yes, this can be fairly difficult over the long haul. But one big assist comes from slowing down our rate of consuming food; not only does this enable our body to tell us we’ve had enough, addressing overeating, it also enables dinner table discussion – should be a positive!
Vision is essential! Without it, we’re just doing without purpose.
Also, appreciate your insight that when we think about enough we tell ourselves that it’s going to be hard to know when we’ve hit that point. In truth, when we’re mindful, we know when we’re there.
Thanks, John!
Alli
My husband and I are in the process of selling our home of 12 years and moving to Arizona. I can truly relate to your comment about wanting a richer life, not a cluttered life. It’s easy to confuse the two, and as you say, real personal leadership is required to distinguish between what gives us value and meaning and what is “nice to have.” Sometimes we want things just because someone else wants them…self-awareness is key when it comes to knowing when is enough…
Wow! Moving to Arizona! Hope it’s a smooth and easy transition. It is easy to confuse our stuff for the things that matter. We lose sight of what’s just taking up space. Without self-awareness, we’re in trouble…
All the best to you, LaRae!
Thank you for reminding us that what truly matters is not how much we have but instead what the difference is that we make because of our collections and connections! And, when we take time to draw on gratitude and appreciation, we suddenly realize we already have more than enough!
Cindy,
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I am always inspired by what you share and do appreciate our growing connection. Also, I agree, it takes mindful reflection to realize that “more” isn’t always the answer. We do indeed have enough.
Many thanks!
Alli
You really made me stop here and think, Alli! Thanks for your great post !!!