As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, our puppy knew where we were. Although we had only been there a few times, the barking started well before we got through the vet’s front door.
It was time for her 10-month appointment, which meant a quick check over, two shots and another vaccination up her nose. (You can imagine how much she enjoyed the last one).
During the check-up, she let the doctor do his thing. When he gave her the first shot, she sat still but squirmed when he stuck her. The second, she knew what was coming. Last, when he needed to shoot the medicine up her nose, she was over it. Unfortunately, he had to do it twice because she was not a compliant patient by that point.
When it was all over, he handed her a treat, and she let it fall to the table. The vet thought she didn’t see it (I knew better because there is little that our dog loves more in life than a good belly rub and a treat.) He tapped the table and encouraged her to take it, she ignored him and the treat.
The vet then handed it to her again, and she put it in her mouth and dropped it like it was on fire. He then suggested I put her on the ground to signal the appointment was over, and he tried to hand it to her one last time. Guess what? She wasn’t interested. If he wanted to foster goodwill with our pup, he failed.
On our way out of the exam room, he handed it to me and suggested that I give it to her later. I did give it to her after a few minutes while we waited to check out and she ate it up.
Ever Wonder Why Someone is So Bothered by Your Request?
What happened? Why was our treat loving puppy turning down perfectly good liver snap?
Trust.
She trusted him during the exam, less so after the first shot, and then less after the second. Up the nose spray was the final insult.
You can only torment a canine or a person for so long.
Moms and Dads often unknowingly do it and wonder why their child eventually freaks out. It happens at work all the time too. Push, push, push; people go with it until they don’t. Until it’s just too much. They leave, which in some cases is better than the alternative – poisoning the culture. It starts with whispers and a few complaints that eventually becomes a cacophony of frustrations, criticisms, and accusations.
How do you prevent indignation and foster goodwill even during the worst of times?
People will tolerate some annoyances but won’t put up with abuse
Put yourself in their shoes. Is your request, or what might be one of many constant demands, reasonable or bordering on the absurd? Are you piling on or thoughtless? If you’re thinking, “it’s their job” or “they have to because I said so,” I’m going to guess you need to recalibrate.
If at all possible, give ample heads up
My dog’s shot was a surprise, and she didn’t appreciate it. Similarly, when you tell your team member at 4:55 that you need them to work late or book a last-minute trip, they’re going to feel put out at best, downright resentful at worst.
Don’t forget context
People like to know why. It may not make them happy to do what they have to do, but a little understanding goes a long way. When you feel like your work matters and fits into the bigger picture, it’s easier to suck things up.
Remember your manners
Can we ask our kids or your team member to do what you need them to do without “please” and “thank you?” Sure. Should you? No. Enough said.
Help everyone know that the end in sight
Communicate with your people. Are the worst of times going to last indefinitely, or are you pulling together to get things done with an end goal? When people feel like they’re going to be thoughtlessly pushed around forever, they’re going to leave. No question.
Instead, of “do this,” try: “We’re going to get through this. I appreciate you and everything you’re doing.”
My dog can’t speak, but she does communicate how she feels. Always remember that your people can speak and will. When you foster goodwill, your people will talk to you and be in it with you. When ill-will takes hold, trust me, they’ll still be talking, but it won’t be kind, and it won’t be to you.
Good one! When our 3 kids were very young they played together a lot. The oldest, a girl had two younger brothers and she was known then, and now, in a different way, as “bossy.” She could have invented the term “Miss Bossy Pants” always telling the boys what to do and how to do it. That is, until one day, she gave a direction, and I heard one of the boys respond with a loud,
“Martha, you are NOT the boss of me.” That changed the dynamics at least then, that is until she figured out a better way to get them in line. For one thing she became much more helpful, in line with your suggestions above. Well done, my friend!
Thanks, Gary! I know that there’s the popular quote about how every girl who is called bossy should be told she has leadership skills. I believe that’s true, however, they also have to learn what your daughter did – “how to become much more helpful.” Truly, it’s the confidence and courage to lead forward combined with the compassion to bring people with you.
Thanks for your story!!
Alli
Well Alli …. this is a home run. It all comes down to trust. And such a compelling approach to this difficult topic of “bad times.” There are many applications of this post to the workplace and to personal relationships. And in each one, the issue is trust.
– Leadership being honest with employees
– Parents being accountable for their mistakes
– Managers remembering that they are leading people
– Brands being accountable to their customers
Great post!
Kate
Trust is so easy to break and hard to earn. Once you have it, why not live and lead like it matters? Keeping people in the loop, communicating well… fundamental behaviors that go a long way. I agree that those situations are perfect examples. Thanks for your input!
Alli
Your poor puppy. I feel sad just thinking about the vet visit and all the surprises. The same happens in our work worlds and places we volunteer. I find that when I am kept in the loop and I can prepare for what is happening I cope much more successfully. In a recent situation at a non-profit I have done a great deal of volunteering there was a firing of a staff member. I was thrown off guard and felt side-swiped. They didn’t want to share what had happened. It really left a bad taste in my mouth.
Keep people informed. That’s my mantra. Thanks Alli and will share your insightful post! Terri
It’s terrible when things like that happen. People fired and the truth behind why is intentionally withheld. Something similar happened at an organization where I worked and not only did the team feel side-swiped but also made up stories about what really happened. It also created a culture of fear – if it happened to them, it could happen to me. A word that often gets thrown around is transparency. Even if you can’t put it all out there, giving people context and a heads up when possible goes an incredibly long way to maintaining trust and a healthy organization.
Thanks, Terri!
Alli