“I can’t do it!” she shouted into the phone.
My client was having a meltdown. She made big plans and then decided she was too small to live up to them. I strongly disagreed, and it pissed her off.
“I’m not ready.”
The concept that there is a magic moment when your ready is false, I explained. This is not a deliverable to a client; this is your life. Physical deliverables have parameters that clearly outline what “ready to deliver” entails. In life, sometimes you have to make the leap before you feel ready (because you’ll never feel 100%) and go for it.
The Fallacy of 100% Ready
When you’re ready to make the leap is subjective. You can list out a billion indicators that yes, tell you that it’s a good time, but there is never 100% certainty. You have to dig deep into your well of self-confidence when subjective and objective collide. Most likely, the person who is holding you back is you.
Waiting for a sign that is red and flashing with big arrows that says, “Your time is now” will mean waiting forever. Is that something you could tolerate? Knowing you missed out living your life to the fullest because you were afraid?
[Tweet “Sometimes the .01% is harder to overcome than the 99.99%. Believe you can.”]
There are things that you can do to boost your self-confidence now so when you’re ready to leap you’ll fly. (Even if you fall, you can get up and try again, right?)
5 Proven Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence to Make Your Leap
Don’t Wing It
The most successful people don’t come up with an idea and then roll it out the next day. They research, plan, and adjust. Feeling unprepared can be a mega hit to your self-confidence. Practice isn’t over-rated; it can help you to sink into your next step instead of letting your nerves run the show.
Self Talk
I’ve written in the past how self-talk is often the missing link between mediocre and exceptional employees (or business owners). Bottom line: what you tell yourself matters. You have to unleash your internal rock star and stop telling yourself you’re not even a worthy backup singer. Shift your internal dialog to one of empowerment and possibility from thoughts that you’re not ready and never will be.
Talk to Your Mentor or Coach
A skilled coach can help you to hold up a mirror so you can see your blind spots on both the strength and challenge ends of the spectrum. Play some verbal ping-pong with your coach or mentor and you’ll uncover your convictions and know-how. Moreover, self-confidence often needs a boost from encouragement from others. The key: when you hear it, believe it.
Draft
Time and time again my clients tell me that their first attempt sucked. So what? Hello… first attempt. I have never written anything I’ve published without drafting, editing and re-writing. Don’t judge the potential of your draft before you’ve shaped it and helped it to grow. Look at it and think, “Wow. I’m on my way.”
[Many people who I’ve worked with over the years never even get to the draft phase. They think a ton about what they want to do and then keep on thinking about it. Getting it out of your head takes you leaps and bounds beyond your (still thinking about it) competition.]
[Tweet “A draft takes the blank page in front of you and fills it with possibility.”]
Journal Using the 5-5-5 Method
Journaling his not my thing but bullet points I can do – especially when it is a fantastic quick hit boost to my self-confidence. For years, I’ve encouraged my clients to use my 5-5-5 method for a quick daily boost of gratitude and a positive hit to their self-confidence as well.
Don’t think about getting started, do it today: Grab your journal and write five personal wins, five points of gratitude and five work wins daily. If nothing significant jumps out, start small and build from there. Stick with it.
Your time is now. Leap before you feel ready rather than living with regret that you never tried. Every small step forward will boost your self-confidence that you, indeed, can keep on going.
What do you use to get back on track when your self-confidence takes a hit?
Alli,
“Don’t wing it” is an important point often missed. Doing the work is essential… our drafts come into play here, too. Nothing happens overnight. We do the work, and we build confidence and a deeper legacy.
Jon
I agree, Jon. So often people sit around feeling nervous but forgo the intensive prep.
Thanks for sharing your insight here!
~ Alli
I grabbed this point too. And thought of how necessary it is that we research and plan and then ultimately go. Knowing that there are some things we won’t know or discover until we do them.
Finding that balance between the research and the action is a challenge!
We won’t know or discover until we do them – YES!
Also agree that it’s tempting to research and plan forever because that we can do… the leap? Much scarier and oh-so-worth it. Planning can’t be an excuse for inaction.
Thanks, Chery!
Positive self-talk has always boosted my confidence levels. In fact when I sense that I am going negative or beating myself up I often will look in the mirror and say out loud: “You have been in worse situations. You can do this!” It might sound a bit corny, but it really works. When we see our reflection and come face-to-face with ourselves, we can build our internal confidence up.
Thanks Alli for a fantastic post and I will definitely share with my network today!
Love that! I once took a class from a friend of mine and she had a whole piece about looking in the mirror and using positive self-talk. Felt hokey but the few times I did it, it had an impact.
Thanks, Terri!
Hi Alli
Some of us really struggle with being able to support ourselves. We struggle to ask for support. We struggle to use any of the support we get. We struggle to find a way into the core of learning how to support ourselves as unique individuals. Nathaniel Brandon, who wrote the valuable book, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, wrote this:
“We can run not only from our dark side but also from our bright side–from anything that threatens to make us stand out or stand alone, or that calls for the awakening of the hero within us, or that asks that we break through to a higher level of consciousness and reach a higher ground of integrity. The greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we may deny and disown our shortcomings but that we deny and disown our greatness–because it frightens us. If a fully realized self-acceptance does not evade the worst in us, neither does it evade the best.”
Beautiful words, and it can be a life task to manifest them. Confidence is a yearning and often we must take our time to meet the one within us who is gradually coming forward. What helps is knowing that that new person is being born, trusting the labor of the birthing. Making confidence a performance test is, in my experience, a mistake, anymore than making childbirth a performance test. Your body knows how. It’s outside your knowing. It’s good to realize there really are no recipes at all, except learning to befriend that loving emergence of the one who we really are. Then, in the pain there can be a kind of surrender. He’s coming. She’s coming. A little more each day, in waves of suffering and joy.
All the best
Dan
Grateful for your comment, your words and that you shared Nathaniel Brandon’s work.
You’re right, self-confidence is not only found in the doing but in our becoming.
A sincere thanks, Dan.
~ alli
Wonderful post Alli.
We’ve learned through our ballroom dancing that we’re never ready for competition. If we waited to be “ready” we would never dance anything!
Set yourself a goal, work towards it, practice, practice, practice, and then have a crack at it. You’re the only one who knows what your choreography is. And your “not bad” could seem like brilliance to somebody else.
That’s what I learned through acting too! At first, I’d be angry with myself when I flubbed up a line until I realized that the audience had no idea. It was more important to be there, in flow, in the moment.
Thank you for reminding me of that feeling and that knowing.
Still want to see you dance!!
~ Alli
Hi Alli,
Here’s a little video from the SA Open last October. We danced the Masters 1 Open final. We are couple No. 82, from Tasmania. I am wearing a black dress with red underskirts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TskhDpH8pKw
And this a bit of fun in our studio with an advert for our local milk supplier Betta Milk. Chris and I are the tall couple with the black and white adadas striped track pants.
http://bettamilk.com.au/gallery/tasmanian-dancesports/
Cheers, Ingrid