Racial and cultural differences are clear here in Alice Springs and are a part of daily life. Just this week, I was at the grocery store and saw something that I have never, ever, seen before in my life. Two Aboriginal women were on the ground, screaming, wrestling, pulling hair and definitely filled with anger and frustration. They were right at the end of my checkout lane and if I pushed my cart forward two more feet, I would have run them over.
What did I feel as I watched them?
- Fear
- A little nervous
- Shocked
- Like an outsider that did not understand what’s happening
A woman walked over (I think she worked for the store) and very, very calmly suggested that they break it up. A security officer eventually appeared too and suggested the same. Finally, they stood up, yelled a little more and then simply left the store.
Before I finished my checkout I watched another shopper walk over to where the women were fighting, pick up a broken necklace and an earring that had been lost during the struggle and offer it to the friends that were still gathered. She had no fear, and the humanity of her act was touching.
I walked away from my shopping trip with more than a cart full of groceries. Three personal leadership lessons struck me.
1) One thing was clear – I had no idea what to do and no idea how to stop those women from fighting. Leaders don’t always understand the culture of the situation enough to step in. I AM an outsider to the Aboriginal community and not yet a part of the Alice community. I’m new here and haven’t been exposed to the rhythm of the community for very long. I was not the right person at the right time for this conflict. We all need to accept the limitations of our own leadership and know that understanding takes time. Before that time, ask for help from someone that has insights and knowledge based on experience.
2) Growing up, I often liked to have the last word. However, over time I’ve learned that sometimes it’s OK to let people walk away. As leaders, we often think that we need to DO more. The greatest lessons are often learned not when someone tells us but when we reflect on what happened and learn from the experience. Punishment does not always maximize the potential for change.
3) I started to wonder, instead of staring (or pretending not to see) how I make a difference. Leadership is not about being at the 10,000-foot level 100% of the time. The best leaders are in touch with what’s happening and the tone and culture of the team. The woman who picked up the necklace showed her personal leadership values and made a difference. As a leader, really reflect on when you step in on personal conflict and how to do it with compassion.
Taking responsibility for our personal leadership means that we all have a choice how we live our lives. Here are just a few of the choices we have in front of us:
- Leaders with fancy titles vs. everyone else
- Haves vs. have-nots
- People connecting with other people
Let’s all commit to seeing every single person we encounter as a person that adds value and has meaning. Step in, make a connection with another person and never forget to also leave room for change.
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