When I was a teen, I would wear bikinis to the beach and hangout with my friends and family without worrying about the questions that have plagued me in recent years:
Do I look fat?
Do I need to suck it in?
How far away can I sit from the girls who used to be me?
At some point, I started wearing the tankinis with skirts “because everybody’s doing it,” I told myself.
I don’t know when I graduated to the supposed-to-be-sexy swim dress. Let’s be honest, nobody looks all that sexy in a swim dress.
Finally, my sarong became my constant companion at the beach.
This week, I decided I’m tired of it. I’m tired of caring that someone will notice I’m not 16 anymore. I’m tired of feeling bad about myself and acting as if a swim skirt, masking my body, can mask my inner thoughts. Ridiculous. I’m wearing more clothes at the beach not only in an effort to hide from other people, but also hide from myself.
Let’s speak the truth, shall we? The swim skirt is like shining a flashlight on my insecurities. It’s not hiding anything.
There is a much more important question to ask than the superficial questions above: What’s up with the hiding?
What are you trying to hide?
Our clothes matter, no doubt. When we feel good about what we’re wearing, we feel unstoppable. Almost like a fantastic sweater, or well fitting swimsuit, gives us a superpower. That sweater gives us a superpower called confidence; only the biggest thing that sets apart the people who struggle incessantly and those that seem to create success at every turn.
Let’s go back into the closet and pick out a less than flattering item, but is an old favorite. How often, when you reach for a sweater, are you pulling out the biggest, most cozy sweater you own, knowing that it practically swallows you up, but also covers all of the bumps and lumps. You love this sweater. Problem is it shrinks you… not to mention that you also kind of look like a walking marshmallow.
What happens when your clothes cover up who you are and you start to lead, and make daily choices, with shame?
You stop looking pulled together and worse, you stop feeling it.
You begin to feel invisible and make choices that continue the cycle.
You hide your most vulnerable truth not only from others, but also from yourself.
You lose sight of your most authentic self and become out of touch with who you truly are.
People start to look past you, instead of seeing you, faults and all.
Flash back again to when I was a teen, my Mom gave me some solid advice when I was recovering from the flu. She told me it was time to get dressed, put on something that made me feel good, pop on some lipstick and I’ll feel better. I’d have more energy and a more positive outlook on life. Looking at her with my pjs on and unwashed hair I had my doubts, but it turns to she was right.
It doesn’t really matter if you’re a man or a woman, I’ll bet you have your “swim dress moments.” You put it on to hide, blend and make invisible something on the inside as much as on the outside.
At work, for many men, the equivalent of the swim dress is wearing a necktie on a daily basis when everyone else is casual. (If that’s you, sorry if you’re offended) Costumes are a part of becoming the part, yet there are times they’re a cover up, not an intentional, powerful choice. I wonder, does the tie make him feel smarter? More compassionate or creative? Maybe it simply helps him push down his insecurities and show the world: ”See! I deserve to be here!”
“Dude,” I want to tell him, “you deserve to be here tie or no tie. If the tie is tied to confidence, wear it till the cows come home, but at some point, you need to learn to be confident without it too.”
Take a moment to consider, at home, when you’re supposed to be able to breathe and let it all hang out, are you spending more time than you should complaining about how others are holding you back? How you know you can do more, but are just never given the chance? How you feel bad about yourself or your body or your relationship…
[Tweet “What you tell yourself is the truth becomes your truth”]
As a leader, are you willing to stop hiding and start accepting?
Accept who you are.
Accept others as they are.
Accept that hiding will never, ever, ever take you were you want to go.
Break the Frame Action:
No pictures necessary, but ask yourself: What are you trying so desperately to hide, that all you’re truly doing is shining a light on what’s underneath?
Will today be the day that you trade in your version of the swim dress and confidently step out in to the world as YOU? You rock, you know, just as you are. Will you join me?
If you stop showing up as you because you think others are better, or you’re not good enough, it’s time for a change.
No more hiding from yourself.
Don’t get stuck in your stories, it’s time to give yourself permission to write a new ending.
If you feel stuck in a story that’s no longer serving you, it’s time to break the frame and make a new choice. Check out my eCourse Get Unstuck and Choose to Move for inspiration and action.
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