My Facebook feed is crowded with a lot of inspiring people, who love inspiring quotes from other inspiring people. They share them in beautiful graphics and in heartfelt updates to their friends and I scroll past them, what feels like millions of them, a billion miles and hour. I feel like I’m suffering from self help overload with all of the advice, wisdom and suggestions that I see hundreds of times a day on social media.
I begin to wonder:
- If I take a failure personally, have I failed?
- If I feel like I’d positively like to climb back under the covers and take a nap, am I not being positive enough?
- Have I been duped by another video that promises to change my life if only I watch to 3:02 and I’m moved, but not changed?
All of it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but very little of it changes me. The intention is to inspire, but it’s turned into instruction and marketing that makes me aspire to be more and do more before I let anyone down.
[Tweet “Inspiration rocks – especially when it leads to inspired action.”]
I contribute to it too. If you’ve ever read my blog before or checked out my Twitter feed you can tell I’m swimming, playing and throwing out life preservers in the ocean of self help overload that is growing by the minute. Here’s the essence of my struggle:
- I am driven to help people live more purposefully at the intersection of life and leadership and I’ve got a few things to say about it.
- I believe that sharing wisdom without connection is just marketing.
- Why share on social media if all you want is to look smart, but never, ever, engage?
- Are you there only to build your business or to build relationships?
- How can we stop talking at each other and talk to each other in such a crowded space?
I don’t know all of the answers, but I’m working on them, at least my take on the answers. Are you?
Live up to your own standards.
Here’s the thing, there are a lot of self help gurus that have a lot of answers and insights worth hearing, seeing and reading even a million miles an hour. Still, there is no one more expert in your life than you and it’s easy to become depressed when you realize can’t live up to 1000 guru’s idealized standards all at once. It’s easy to forget that your standards matter and set the bar for your behavior; not some quote from a philosopher from the 5th century BC.
Knowing what to do and doing it is a personal change process.
I know that leaders let people make their own choices and learn from them, but I still yell at my kids 5X a week to clean their rooms before their beds are buried under an avalanche of crap. I build resilience because they ignore me 5X a week and the next week I vow to change my style and approach to find a way to get them to magically do what I say. If ever there was a hashtag for that it’s #leadershipfail
Saying vs. doing, believing vs. implementing are all human struggles. Change takes time and is rarely instantaneous (or because of a kick-ass quote).
As I, like you, work to embrace my life and evolve while taking in the incredible wisdom that is present within the overload of self help, I know that’s why I do what I do. The secret to a crazy awesome and successful life is not going to ever be discovered in someone else’s cookbook where you try desperately to follow someone else’s recipe to a tee.
[Tweet “Change is a verb and the action is up to you.”]
I want you to write your own darn self help book. Isn’t that’s why it’s called self help?
There are some lessons you just have to teach yourself.
What are your thoughts?
For coaching, consulting or speaking Let’s Connect!
Alli, another insightful post that had me nodding and laughing throughout. Ditto to the FB friends and overload of inspirational quotes and messages – I skip right passed those to get to the cute boxer dog pics 🙂
So…..”but I still yell at my kids 5X a week to clean their rooms before their beds are buried under an avalanche of crap.” were you ‘in the box’?? 😉 Loved both books from Arbinger, btw – great recommendation.
With great respect for your work,
Carl
@SparktheAction
Cute boxer pics sound sweet! Seriously, I appreciate the inspiration and like to share it too it’s just important to use the motivation to get moving at some point instead of keep scrolling.
So glad you liked the Arbinger books! I was compelled to study with them for a year after I read the books. And seeing my kids as humans…. I try 🙂
Many thanks for your comment and support, Carl!
Alli — I love this post! It speaks to me on many levels, so I’ll offer up few thoughts below.
(1) Like you, though I love to write, create, connect and share with others, I believe that people can and must seek their own answers — not by following an endless array of instructional posts or videos, but by exploring their own hearts and minds. As you correctly point out, though we may be inspired or moved by another’s words, change (and the self-awareness required to grow beyond our own limitations) begins within. While key insights from others can often serve as important guideposts in our own self-discovery, over-saturation can set us up to feel more weary than motivated. On the other hand…
(2) Inspiration and idealism as a source of hope are as necessary to the human heart as love. In these difficult times, feeling infused with hope and the possibility for change is an important pre-requisite for actually taking steps to define and implement change. In this way, inspiration can serve an important purpose, while offering others a renewed sense of spirit.
From a writer’s perspective, I think intention is key. Are you in the business of self-help, positioning yourself as the ‘expert’? Are you in the business of facilitation, helping people change to live better lives? Are you in the business of creating art and inspiration for others? Are you in a different business altogether, simply experimenting with your own thoughts and ideas and daring to share them in the world? Regardless of our business, when intentions become blurry; when inspiration becomes instruction; when instruction morphs into a condemnation of failure; when managing and marketing the message becomes more important than authentic connection with others, we all lose.
Thanks for another truly great post, Alli, and for always staying on point with your own message and approach!
Sharon
Thank you for your fantastic comment, Sharon! I found myself nodding a lot as I read it.
Hope and a positive outlook are essential to creating success. We have enough days where nothing seems to go right and we feel defeated and a stroll through FB can actually be a pick me up.
Your point about WHY we do it is what is so key. It is because our business is self help or our business is facilitating others to make meaningful changes in their lives or sharing our own journey? The difference between the two is oftentimes subtle and critical.
I think I could write a HUGE response here but I’ll leave it with thank you. Sincerely.
Alli,
Are you telling us that you *didn’t* watch that one video that would change your life at 3:02? Because THAT could have been the one!!!!
Such an hysterical and poignant post. You really hit the nail on the head with this one.
And hitting the nail on the head is an activity rife with action. Thanks for your authentic inspiration.
Blair
You know… I still watch far more than I should admit 🙂
Thank you for your generous comment and constant support.
I appreciate you, Blair.
Grinning Blair! : )
One thing I got from this post is the phenomena of ‘guru-fatigue:’ where there are so many positive messages, quotes, entreaties, reminders (and offers) that it can seem that we’re sucking at life by comparison.
One thing I have done is un-subscribe and un-follow and un-friend some gurus. The ones that don’t really, truly, deeply “speak” to me (anymore) get ‘released.’ It’s quite freeing actually…
And, I do my best to remind myself that 1) I am only seeing the final product / what they want me to see (and not _their_ struggle/process… ) and 2) they might not be all they’re cracked up to be (e.g. James Ray).
The key is to develop greater awareness and emotional acuity so I/we can see the (internal) ‘judginess’ coming and 1) stop-and-breathe and 2) re-orient around values/goals and move forward once again.
As always, love the blog and everything you do Alli!
“Guru fatigue” new term to me that totally hits home. I’ve read many studies about people who have a zillion Facebook friends actually feel “less than” because people share their best stuff… not their dirty and oh-so-human laundry.
To Terri’s comment too, even a guru that I feel is less than authentic could have a message that I need to hear and own NOW. We need emotional acuity to help us determine what’s meaningful to US and let go of what others think is sexy, and the must-admire guru of the moment.
Good advice from you, Matt!
This is something I have always wondered about- are these self-help gurus really authentic and can I really learn from them?
Has it ever happened to you that you read something at just the perfect time and it touched you in a profound way? That has happened to me and I think that’s the best we can all do. Touch people’s lives, both personally and professionally and hope we can make things a little clearer or provide some direction.
Great post, Alli and as always you provide me with so much to think about and process!
Adding to Terri’s comment, in my experience I’ve discovered that insight without authenticity compromises the integrity of the message (and messenger). Great discussion!
It’s the worst! It feels so empty and flat when I hear a great soundbite yet can feel the absence of connection behind it.
You know, that’s the best any of us can hope for in this noisy social space. Touch someone. Impact someone. Change someone. It’s one of the most favorite pieces of feedback I get: “This was just the right time.” That’s when words inspire us to feel, act and grow.
There are some gurus that I get the sense that they’re really grounded and authentic and others are great at cranking out rhetoric. Sometimes, for a fleeting moment, I think about playing in that way but for me, it would be a total fail.
I truly have learned a lot from you, Terri and would never have met you if it were not for Social Media. That’s why I continue to show up.
Thank you!
Great post, Alli
I especially loved how you encouraged people to live up to their own standards! So often we “settle” instead of extending our reach.
It will only lead to a life of regrets and mediocrity.
Thanks for the great reminder!
My daughter’s word for this year is “Challenge.” Her goal isn’t simply mastery, it’s continual growth. I think that’s at he heart of personal leadership. Learning and action. Learning and leadership go hand in hand and it’s up to us how far we’re willing to go.
Thanks, LaRae!
Really enjoyed your post Alli. I don’t think there’s one right choice that is a one-size fits all; but, there may be a right choice for the moment you’re in. I scroll past the latest huge political scandal and the scriptural readings…unless it’s what I thought I wanted to see at the time. I’ve watched lots of the videos and read lots of the posts that people put out there. I think many of us are trying to engage and trying to find out the right mix of things that make that happen. I’m glad we have social media so that we can opine on how it works and doesn’t work for us….that only means the next thing coming is going to be even greater than what we have now. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Joy – Great point. Picking and choosing is critical. I give a thumbs up to many inspirational quotes and videos because they make me feel something in the moment. If I had seen those same quotes two days later, I may have just passed them by. What I crave is the human interaction and engagement. If a quote or a blog or a video leads to a conversation which becomes a relationship – awesome.
The edge of the next thing is probably already here but I can’t yet see it but I’m not going anywhere. Bring it on!
Thank you for your addition to this conversation. Really appreciate your insights.
Alli,
This post is so very relevant! Words are words, and videos are just words spoken or visualized. Getting out and doing something is where we can apply what we learned and see what really works and what doesn’t. By doing, we grow. By doing, we find purpose!
Thanks! Jon
Thanks, Jon! Words are just words until we do something with them… take action and allow ourselves to be changed. I’ve learned more from action than endless ruminating.
Love that: “By doing, we find purpose!”
You too!?
In today’s internet world and social media, I’ve been learning how onslaughts of information every day have been impacting me personally. On the one hand, I want to connect and to learn…I want to be OPEN to new things and new ideas…On the other hand, I find that I get hit with info overload all too frequently and haven’t found that magic ‘balance’ between my NEED to connect , my DESIRE to learn and grow, and my NEED to disconnect so my senses can recover from the overload.
Too many ideas flying around at once can serve to confuse the mind and actually paralyze us rather then being helpful.
During my mini blog writing hiatus over the past few months, this is what I was grappling with along with our health issues that had cropped up in our family.
I was wondering, in a ‘sea’ where so many of us are writing…and frankly, I’ve encountered SO MANY FANTASTIC writers just in the land of Twitter alone and how do we keep up with it all? With each other? How do we support each other? Our ideas? Our writings? How do we grow our ‘numbers’ and keep up with all the new additions and still be able to comment with semi-intelligent and thoughtful, heartfelt replies?
I know that’s a bit ‘off’ from having to deal with the self-help overload, yet not so far off because information ‘overload’ is at the heart of it.
We’re all trying to learn to cope with this new way of ‘living’ in an internet world where access to information has never been so EASY for many of us in our lives! Many of us in our generation didn’t grow up with access to this much ‘knowledge’ at our fingertips! We didn’t HAVE computers, cell phones, ipods, ipads, kindle fires, etc when we were kids. I still remember rotary dial telephones!
Remember when we all had to actually MEMORIZE phone numbers?! lol
Now I can’t remember my OWN phone number most of the time when asked! LOL
Action is what is in danger in the world of info overload. As Jon touched on. Getting out and DOING something is where we can apply what we learn and see what really works and what doesn’t.
Now…the trick is to how to get to the doing part when we’re still caught up in playing catch up and reading? (grins)
Another excellent post my friend! xo
Another insightful comment from you!! Thank you!!
Yes, there is so much out there it’s hard to keep up and I don’t know about you, but for too long I felt the pressure to read and share more and more. I don’t share things I haven’t read but that doesn’t mean I comment on everything. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted! One quick look at my Twitter stream shows me at least a billion articles many of which are likely interesting enough for me to read (if I gave up sleeping and almost everything else.)
I think part of the challenge is taking it all in, interpreting, making it meaningful and useful to ME, and then applying it. I won’t ever apply if all I do is stay on the hamster wheel of taking in information.
I still fondly think of when I was in college and I’d bump into a friend and we’d have lunch together. There was no texting or emailing or Facebook etc. The world is changing rapidly and keeping up with it requires us to live it…
I honestly can’t imagine 20 years from now but I can choose to live today to the fullest 🙂
Thank you!!
xo
Great post. I so agree on the engagement part. For me, I get very little out of just reading memes… but I do enjoy when a community engages like this one and has a conversation. There is much to be learned from the conversations with have with one another and with ourselves.
Great post Alli and what an energy filled conversation! (I was laughing with Blair and Samantha too!)
I agree that a lot of what is out there does not challenge me, some of it I devoured for a time and then grew and needed something else.