It’s that time of the year again when Americans get focused on all that we are thankful for in our lives. Thanks to social media, the call for gratitude scales on a global basis. Clearly, you don’t have to be American to give thanks in November. Now that I’m living in Australia, I see more clearly than ever before that it’s not a particular holiday that creates the space for gratitude but rather it’s the choices we make and a willingness to stop and appreciate the goodness in life. Australians are actually fantastic role models for slowing down enough to appreciate where you are. I’m grateful to live here because I’m still learning that skill.
Last year at this time, I was living overseas for just four months and reflected on ways to express gratitude from a distance and close the gap between myself and so many people who I love. This year, I’m also focused on distance but instead of bridging that distance, it’s as if I’m dancing along the space-time continuum.
I went home for several weeks to the USA this July and it was both wonderful and awful. Both sides of the spectrum fully present and oftentimes poignant. Despite the changes I’ve embraced over the last year, it was hard, messy, confrontational and hurtful. I was confused; it wasn’t the homecoming I had envisioned. The worst part was even when I was back home, in Australia, I still felt the sting of my visit.
Space + Time = Healing
Space has been a gift. Twelve people all living in the same house literally leaves little space to breathe, let alone, simply be. Actions and mumbled hurtful words were magnified tenfold in that petri dish of family love combined with a lifetime of stories that colored every moment. Getting on the plane was a release from the tension. Flying above the clouds I saw the physical space between us grow and new perspectives slowly began to emerge. Space and time allows us to see beyond behavior and reflect into our hearts and appreciate the hurting hearts of others. Space and time allow healing to occur and red, open wounds to become softer and less painful.
Time + Healing = Gratitude
Now that more time has passed and healing is well underway, I’m left with something curious. I’m feeling gratitude for my time in the house, for the arguments, for the eye-rolling. Crazy, right? We’re family and we’re human. Everyone in that house was battling their own battles within themselves and they emerged as battles with others. I’m able to once again be open to love for every single person there that I hated so much in the moment because my gratitude has opened up a new emotion for me, compassion.
Embracing Compassion
Life does not always feel like a trip to Disney – polished, perfect, the happiest place on earth. Illness, sadness about broken relationships, and intense work stress are the stuff of real-life and fill a void that most people don’t know existed until they look in the mirror and see the angry, grumbly person they’ve become. Learning to love and be grateful for angry, grumbling people is to accept our humanity and our deepest connection to each other. I am in relationship, you are in relationship, we are in relationship and relationships built on a foundation of love and compassion ultimately last and thrive.
Compassion gives us the space to accept others, faults and all. (Click to Tweet)
Gratitude for a Chance to Try Again
Closing doors forever is easy to do compared with opening a door and welcoming love and frustration, warmth and anger, laughter and tears, compassion for others and self. I’m grateful that I didn’t slam any doors shut and have learned that space and gratitude can go hand in hand.
How is gratitude showing up in your life in this moment? How has gratitude transformed you and your relationships with others?
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Alli;
You are determined to write a blog and make me cry. This is a wonderful heart felt honest post. While family can be wonderful it can bring much pain. Life does not always have s story book ending. And when we learn and undetstsnd everyone has their own internal struggles we will be a better world.
Thank you for all you do.
Thank you, Tom. It actually wasn’t easy to write but it flowed from my heart. We may be face to face but the real trick is to stop looking at the surface to appreciate what’s inside. Sincerely, your words mean so much to me.
I’m with Tom! Wonderful! Wonderful! Thank you for sharing with us.
Many thanks, Skip! Truly appreciate your feedback.
Love this post, Alli. Gratitude is one of the most effective ways to remain positive when times are tough…and I believe that through our positivity we can embrace compassion and humility. Once we get there, we realize “it’s not all about us.”
Gratitude is really transformational, isn’t it? Not only does it positively impact the recipients of our gratitude but the change within ourselves is significant too. It’s really easy to only see the world from one side – ours. Everything changes when we accept that the perspective of others is equally real.
Many thanks, LaRae!
Hi Alli,
I appreciate your concept of space time healing.It’s a very profound insight really.
Space and time actually lend themselves to increasing the gap between stimulus and response,and thereby carry the inherent healing potential.
Suppose someone behaved unpleasantly with me many centuries ago (for the sake of conveneince we agree that we live that long).
After a while we find that the tendency to feel perturbed about something reduces over time.That is because we are responding to the new stimuli coming at us from life.
The craetive person doesn’t wait for time to physically elapse before they can feel composed and good again.They devise means to put space and time between themselves and the stimulus which they do not desire to pursue further.
It’s a blessing to utilise space and time for such elevation.in fact many other activities can do the same for us;including driving,music,physical activity,dancing ,meditation.
Thanks
Mona
Mona,
Your insights truly do help all of us understand why when we say “give it time” there is a reason it works. Great reminder as well that we do not need to let weeks, months and years pass to change our perspective and release the anger – tapping into our creative outlets reconnects us with our flow. Even a mindless game on the ipad can help us to release the negativity and unwind.
Many thanks!
Alli, your raw and authentic style never ceases to win me over and I love hearing about emotions that way.
Families are imperfect by nature, especially at big reunions, holiday times and life cycles. I can only think of a few times that someone didn’t have a breakdown or meltdown during one of my family gatherings. My siblings and I always say that if no one ran out screaming or there wasn’t major anger, then the time together was a success.
Being grateful is the purest way to enjoy the best in others.
Thank you for reminding us of that!
You know, Terri, I think that would be a success in our family too. I truly know we love each other so much. I come from a very close-knit family yet we still default into ways of being that obscure the love we have for each other. Gratitude is definitely the way in, through and all around. It’s truly transformational.
Many thanks to you for sharing your experience and wisdom too!
Alli, your post reminds me of my 8 year olds prayer at our family gathering this Thanksgiving. “… and Dear God, just for the record even though we don’t always get along, please know we love each other, and are doing the best we can. ” Amen.
One of the most perfect prayer’s I’ve heard. Works in our house too. Thanks, Karin!
Love this article!
Adore Karin son’s prayer!
Alli you enrich our lives and heart to feel more, know more and be more! Compassion helps us along the way and for that I am grateful!
Lolly
Thank you, Lolly! I adore Karin’s son’s prayer too.
For me, compassion is a doorway to a heart at peace where gratitude can replace anger. Letting go is essential to truly embrace the powerful goodness that’s present too. It’s the co-existing, that balance of a memory that does not disappear but welcoming the gratitude that can take time. Impossible until we learn to lead from within.
Thanks, Lolly!
Alli, I think what is so powerful about your post, is the emotional work you showed us, you had to do, to travel from a place of anger to one of compassion.
There is no easy path or quick fix. You really have to want to move in that direction and be prepared to face some hard truths, along with understanding the vulnerable places others are coming from.
Through your raw experience we can learn so much about the internal transformative process we need to go through to accept all the emotions good and bad and remember no one is perfect!
Thank you for writing so honestly and eloquently about what must have been challenging to express. By allowing us into your innermost thoughts we have caught a glimpse of a realistic path to gratitude. Gilly
Gilly – Thank you so much for your heartfelt comment! The hardest truth is that I’m not right and perfect while they all have chips on their shoulders – we are in it together and I am no more or less blameworthy than they are. Accepting them for who they are an the circumstances that they bring with them also gives me the space to accept myself too.
With much sincerity, your insights and thoughts mean so much. Thank you.