I made a big mistake. I knew it when it happened, but unfortunately, I have photographic evidence. I cut my hair.
Boo hoo. Right? We all get haircuts, and I’ve had some radical ones over the years. Hair grows.
This time was different.
My mistake was a combo of the magnitude of the so-called trim and the timing.
My whole life I’ve had variations on the same style but mostly I like it long with bangs. Less than 48 hours before a huge family celebration a few months ago, I cut my hair off. Yup, I walked in with hair cascading over my shoulders and walked out with it hardly skimming my neck and tiny little layers everywhere.
When the stylist dried it, it looked sleek, cool and edgy, yet immediately had a hard time relating to the woman who stared back at me in the mirror.
Unfortunately, when I dried it at home the next day, it didn’t look like it did at the salon, far from it. The kindest word to describe my hair after my drying attempt, other than short, was poofy – in all the wrong places. Talk about a terrible look.
Then came the family celebrations and the professional photographer who documented every moment. Looking at the proofs online, I honestly hardly recognized myself.
Today, I’m still not a fan; it’s not me but at least I’ve learned to manage the poof. But, back to the cool thing about hair, it grows – even if it’s only between a quarter and a half inch per month. (Slow, right?) So far I’m resisting the urge to shave my head and be patient as the ugly crop goes through the short and awkward phase before it’s cascading once again.
Here’s my mantra of the moment:
Some growth is not the same a no growth.
Ultimately, I did what every logical person would do who hates their haircut – I turned to Google. My search? “How to get my hair to grow faster?”
Nothing impressive.
Massage your scalp.
Get a haircut.
Don’t use hot water.
Awesome. Not.
The real answer was I needed to be patient. Hair growth takes time, and I am not one of those dolls where you can cut her hair and pull it long again 30 seconds later.
Growth is kinda my thing… but not when it comes to hair.
I’ve worked with clients for nearly a decade to help them accelerate their professional and personal growth. I’ve invested 100’s of hours with people who want to grow NOW, be farther along their path and make a change. I’ve even used the metaphor of one of those silly dolls with the hair.
Of course, in our sessions, we always talk about the usual personal and professional development suspects – because they work.
Get a mentor
Take a class
Read a book
Go to a conference
Ask for a new challenge at work
Here’s the scoop:
Personal growth requires you to push yourself into discomfort, pull through it, reflect and apply the learning on the other side.
Reading a book is awesome (and I still recommend many in my practice) but if you read it and put it on your shelf, so what? You need to use what you’ve learned even if it feels sloppy, awkward and new.
That conference where you attended incredible sessions that had sparks flying left and right as you made connections to your work? Why let yourself fall back into BAU (Business As Usual) the following Monday?
Truth is, most people don’t put their learning into action without some accountability.
Doing something isn’t enough. You need to hold yourself accountable for putting the learning into motion. You may even want to enlist a friend or coach to push you. Everyone can benefit from an occasional push.
Ask yourself: What did you learn? Why did it matter?
[Tweet “You can float through life, or your can create it. What do you choose?”]
Okay, so now you’re pushing, holding yourself accountable, reflecting, implementing… but you still want to grow faster? Here you go.
5 Unconventional Professional and Personal Growth Hacks
1) Travel
Take yourself on an adventure outside of your everyday experience. Fresh experiences spark fresh ideas, perspectives, and opportunities. If your idea of travel is to head to the same beach year after year, make this the time to try somewhere new. Trust me, the first time I traveled to a country where they spoke little English I was nervous, almost chickened out, and it was an incredible time of personal growth.
2) Write
The data varies but up to 80% of Americans say they want to write a book. Most won’t even write the first sentence. If a book feels overwhelming but writing is a leap you want to take – blog. It can be scary pressing publish on words that aren’t perfect (they never are), but it gets you in the game. There are tons of resources out there to start your own blog, and there are sites like Medium and LinkedIn which you can share your writing without a moment’s wait. No excuses. Have a perspective and share it with the world.
[Here’s an invitation: I rarely accept guest posts, but in January 2017, I’m open to publishing yours on the Break the Frame blog. Dare Yourself! Start the new year with a stretch, accelerate your growth and step into the discomfort. The requirements? Let’s connect first through blog comments, Twitter, email… Make it relevant. Personal development, leadership, professional development, HR, organization development are welcome.]
3) Exercise
Exercise is a great place to challenge your status quo, push yourself and practice accountability. I was out of the exercise habit after a year of recovery from health issues, and the first time I got back on the elliptical, I hit my time goal, but my distance was unimpressive. Now, each time I get on the machine, I set a tiny new goal. Maybe last time I did 5K in 40 minutes (don’t laugh) so today I want to shave a minute. Maybe last time I kept it on 15% resistance most of the time so today I commit to 30% intervals for the duration. Push yourself, beat yourself, dare yourself.
4) Volunteer
It doesn’t matter where you volunteer but giving your time, outside of your routine will grow you in unexpected ways. You’ll be giving and getting. Over the years I’ve done pro bono coaching, tutored kids and helped repair houses among other things. Find something that speaks to you and give it a whirl. Volunteering is guaranteed to get your out of your head and your own challenges and focused on doing something meaningful for others. If you can’t learn and grow from that, I don’t know what will do the trick.
5) Purge
Often, personal growth is slowed because you’re holding onto the past with both hands. Journals, wedding presents that are still in the box, old notebooks from past jobs, textbooks from college, pictures, papers, old files. What are you holding on to and isn’t it time to let go? Make it a celebration or maybe a yard sale is in order. Thinning the things in your personal space will actually create more mental space; it’s a hack that truly works.
Turns out my hair trim was more than hacking off my excess length. Now I’m growing my patience and rediscovering that it’s not only the reflection in the mirror that makes me the woman I am… it’s what’s happening within.
[Tweet “Outer growth mirrors inner growth. Grow your patience, perseverance, and purpose. #change”]
What’s your favorite personal growth hack?
Alli,
Solid advice to push ourselves, the key difference between hair growth and personal growth. We need to step up to our growth and be active in it. Whatever the science or mechanics behind it, when we push ourselves, we grow exponentially. Without our self-push, we remain in a stale state.
Here’s to growth!
Jon
So true, Jon! No matter what, hair has its pace but we can push ourselves into the discomfort and drive our growth. It can feel scary to take the step forward but oh-so-worth it.
Totally with you! Here’s to growth!
Thanks, Jon!
~ Alli
Love your 5 ways Alli! I would also add … reach out to others when you are doing those 5. I continue to be “changed” in good ways by people I meet.
Keep the great posts coming!
kate
Love that, Kate! Truly, change doesn’t happen in isolation – it takes hold in our relationships and connection with others.
Thanks for the great add!
~ Alli
Your story on hair reminded me of a time in graduate school. My roommate got her hair cut extremely short (I’m talking about a 1/2″ all over.) When we walked into our 7am Multivariate analysis class the next day, the professor looked at her for several long seconds then stated very calmly, “It will grow.” She was both mortified and laughing at the same time. We still laugh about it today.
Thank you for your insights!
That’s a great story! I’m so happy you shared it – gave me a laugh too!
When I came home from the salon and my daughter saw me her first reaction was, “What did you do!?” Luckily it does grow and so do we. 🙂
~ Alli
I can feel your “hair pain!”
Love this: “Doing something isn’t enough. You need to hold yourself accountable for putting (your) learning into motion.” Bottom line—we all need to put our shoulder into our own success.
Great insight!
Well said, LaRae! Here’s to putting our shoulders into our success!
Thanks so much,
Alli
Yes, Alli! There are times when it takes a good purge to get me started in a new direction. And, yes, I would accept your invitation in January.
Though I prefer shorter haircuts, I remember the day I decided to shave the beard I had had for over a decade . . .
Let’s get in touch about a post! Great!
I can only imagine what it must have been like to look in the mirror after you shaved… Wow!
~ Alli
Love your post, Alli! It is way too easy to get stuck in ruts and never step outside to empower ourselves to grow. I have found that to push forward I need to breakdown my goals. When I began blogging I was overwhelmed with the thought of writing in any consistent way. I just wrote whenever I had an idea. What I grew to learn was that my blogging was an extension of who I was and if I wrote about things that supported by vision and were authentic, it was so much easier. And I learned that being consistent with my publications made a huge difference in how I connected with people.
Thanks Alli and I will share! P.S. Your hair looks fabulous!!
I think that the people who stick with blogging begin to realize what you’ve outlined here – it’s an extension of who you are not only sharing your wisdom in soundbites. Love your writing and happy that you’re in it for good!
You saw my hair within 48 hours after the cut and that morning, I went back to the salon to get the stylist to dry it since I had such a fail when I tried to do it on my own the day before. If I hate the pictures when a professional did the blowout, I can only imagine what I’d think if I had styled it on my own that day. Yuck.
~ Alli
Hi Allie,
December 9, 2011 is a day that remains etched in my mind. Thoughts of that day when I emerged from the salon with a bad cut and dark dye job still haunt me. Ugh! I know exactly how you feel.
One of my favorite growth hacks is to lean into a fear. I grew up terrified of animals and decided to face that fear head on when I was in my 20s. I started with dogs. When I found that they were not as bad as I made them out to be, I moved on to horses. I vividly remember the nerves of fear as I stood between the horse and my riding instructor.
At that moment, I could not have predicted that riding horses would become a passion for a period of my life. By conquering that fear of animals, I found confidence, gained self-esteem, and discovered an interest.
Because I found rewarding benefits from leaning into that fear, I have leaned into other fears over the years as a personal growth hack. And in conquering those fears, I have had a much richer life.
Thanks Alli. Will share.
Terri
I’ve had terrible haircuts and this one is right up there. Finally figuring it out now that it’s growing out. I’ve had my hair a million lengths and colors over the years and happily, I get to try again.
As for leaning into the fear… I’m inspired. Not only did you come face to face with your fear but learned to embrace it, not simply conquer it. Truly grateful that you shared your story here – it’s a powerful one.
Thanks, Terri!
Alli
As a facilitator I struggle with sustainability after the session – how do I motivate employees to take what they’ve learned and apply it after our session is complete? I like “What did you learn? Why did it matter?” and can see myself incorporating it into the end of a training. It also makes me think that sending an email with those questions a week after a training (I work as a Manager of Talent Development at a mid-size company) could be useful too. Thank you for this post!
Sending it a week later is a great idea. The learning is so fresh at the end of the session and the excitement to apply everything is palpable. I’d also ask, how did you apply it so far? What did you learn from the first attempt… or second… or third…
I’ve worked in training and facilitation for most of my career and know the struggle of getting the learning into action. One organization I worked with did it so well – they made a commitment to ask each other the questions and agreed to be willing to be reminded by not only their manager but also their colleagues. Definitely rare and even then, it only lasted for so long.
Thanks so much for your comment, Tess and for sharing your experience and suggestion!
Alli
I’ve so been there on the hair thing. #ItSeemedLikeAGoodIdeaAtTheTime and patience is not my strength. With that said, I LOVE all your ideas here about ways to stretch– I’ve always learned the most when I’ve found (or put myself) in unfamiliar territory. P.S. I think you look cute 😉
Thank goodness it grows!
You have been a role model for stretching in new ways! Instead of getting stuck in a rut or stuck with a single idea or approach, you’ve kept trying new things until you found the one that worked. Great news for all of us since Winning Well has now come to life!
~ Alli
This is a great article, that I really enjoyed reading.
I share your thoughts exactly: ” Personal growth requires you to push yourself into discomfort, pull through it, reflect and apply the learning on the other side.”
Thanks so much!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment! Here’s to pushing into the discomfort!
Best,
Alli
Fun Post Alli! With powerful points!
I love this, “Turns out my hair trim was more than hacking off my excess length. Now I’m growing my patience and rediscovering that it’s not only the reflection in the mirror that makes me the woman I am… it’s what’s happening within.”
Thanks so much, Chery. If I had to wait for my hair to grow or be ideal before I could be my best self, I’d be waiting a looonnnggg time.
Appreciate your comment and connection!
Best,
Alli
Thank you, Alli
Interesting point re purging – I think that’s what I need to do. It makes sense to let go of lots of old ideas and focus on the things that are relevant to me right now.
Thanks for reading and commenting too, Catherine! I’m up for a good purge too. We live in a small house and all the extra I’m holding onto is making the walls close in and leaving little space for what’s yet to come.
Best,
Alli
What an awesome article Alli! Amazing insights by yourself not only in this article but everything you write. One of the things that really resonated with me with your article is the art of ‘patience’. SO hard at times to have it when going for exciting things but we must all exercise this… The other part of your article that I really enjoyed as far as personal growth was purging. About a year ago, I got rid of tons of stuff that was just not doing anything for me. Getting rid of things, donating them… made things so much lighter for me and got me extremely focused. Thank you for all you do Alli!